Evergreen
by eightevergreens
Summary: Lindsay is a vampire with a special gift. A gift that many other vampires wish to utilize and one she wished she didn't have. She never wanted to be a vampire in the first place, but now she's stuck in the midst of vampires pulling her in all different directions. What will she choose? Don't be afraid to review! [OC-centric. Eventual Jasper x OC].
1. chapter one - blood

Author's note: Hi everyone! It's been a very, very long time since I've used this site, but I figured I'd share this little project I've been working on...an OC-centric _Twilight_ fanficton. Yes, _Twilight_ is among my guilty pleasures, but I know I'm not alone there. I really like the characters I've created for this fic and have had fun melting them into the world of the books. Please don't be afraid to leave a review, as I really do love hearing feedback on my work, even fanfictions. It would mean a lot!

 **I feel that it is only fair of me to include a trigger warning - this fanfiction includes mentions of self harm, suicide, drug use, abusive relationships, etc. If any of these offend or upset you, I would recommend choosing something else to read. I rated this fic T because I feel there are many books/stories including these topics aimed towards teens, but I understand these topics can be upsetting.**

 _Disclaimer - I do not own the_ Twilight _franchise. I'm only a fanfiction writer._

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 **chapter one - blood**

 _Everything was heavy. Too heavy. Heavy enough to feel like it was dragging me down to the bottom of the ocean and not allowing me to breathe. And instead of putting up a fight, instead of trying to swim back to the surface, I was letting it take me. I didn't want to be here anymore. I didn't want to deal with my mother, I didn't want to watch my father go to jail, I didn't want to watch myself become my mother, the person I hated the most because of what she'd done to me…..I wanted out. And I was going to get out the only way I knew how._

 _My breath hitched as locked myself in my mother's bathroom. She didn't know. She wouldn't know. She was already nearly comatose on the sofa in the lounge after drowning her shallow sorrows in half a bottle of Vicodin and her favorite pinot grigio. My father was at the office, staying late with his lawyers to try and figure out how to get out of his prison sentence. Rosa, Maria, Ana and Paulina, our maids, wouldn't know either. They weren't allowed to come anywhere near my mother's lounge or bathroom. She was too scared they'd discover her dirty drug habit. They already knew._

 _I flung the door to the medicine cabinet open. There were too many orange bottles with labels I didn't care to read, some empty, some full, some caught in between. I don't even think my mother knew how many pill bottles she had or all of the kinds of drugs she'd stashed over the years with her habit. I didn't care either. I knew any of them would do the trick - I wanted something to numb me up a bit before I did it, and a handful of any of these drugs would work perfectly._

 _So I grabbed the bottle in the middle of the cabinet, causing several others to spill over in the process. Didn't matter. Nor did it disturb my mother outside the door. I opened the bottle, poured the pills out into my shaking palm until I couldn't hold anymore, and shoved them all down my throat. I took water from the sink into my palm to get them all down, which was easier than I had expected it to be._

 _I flung the shower curtain back, already started to feel dizzy from whatever I'd just ingested. I knew time was running out, so I hurried as I set the plug over the drain on the plug and turned the water on. I grabbed one of my mother's shaving razors and expertly broke the actual blade away from the plastic. I'd become good at doing that, with all the coke parties I'd been to, a surprising number for someone my age. I shut my eyes, counted to three, I slit my wrists. Not across like most people thought, but up along my forearm. It was hard to stitch you up that way._

 _I fell into the bathtub, dropping my arms into the water, watching the blood flow into it, staining it crimson. The immaculate bathroom swirled before me as my vision blurred from all the drugs and all the blood leaving my body. I couldn't feel a damn thing, just how I wanted it. I was finally dying. I was finally getting out of this stupid, vapid life for once and for all._

 _A loud BANG! Erupted from somewhere behind me. The window. Had a bird flown into it?_

 _Using what little energy I had left, I looked over my right shoulder through my hazy eyes. It was a man. A tall, well built man with dark skin as clear as porcelain and eyes as red as the blood draining out of my body. His nostrils flared as he knelt beside the tub, his expression changing from that of a bird of prey to a father watching his child in pain._

 _I didn't know the man, and normally I would've screamed or ran or hit him or something, but I was minutes from dying. I didn't have it in me. I sat completely still, wondering if he was some sort of hallucination created by my dying brain. But as I felt his ice cold hand cradle my cheek and his teeth sink into my neck, I knew it was all too real._

The soft late summer wind ran its fingers through my hair as I looked over Manhattan. I'd lived in Manhattan nearly my whole life, minus the couple of years I'd lived in New Orleans, and something about New York still drew me in. It wasn't the same as it had been. Giuliani had changed a lot of that. Killed the club scene, made a lot of the good artists go elsewhere or find a new trade. There were more tourists now than ever, crowding Times Square. If only they new the old Times Square, the one you didn't go to unless you really had business to do. Or, in my case, if you were attending an outlaw party. But that was a different story altogether.

Behind me, the metal door to the rooftop of the building opened. I didn't have to turn around to know it was a repairman. The loud jingling of the toolbox he carried was enough to clue me in, as was the smell of oil on him.

I stood up from where I was crouched on the edge of the apartment building only a few blocks from where I lived, turning to face him. He was thirty, perhaps, and either Hispanic or simply darker featured. He was shocked to see me. That was understandable. I assumed he didn't see many apparent teenagers hanging out on the top of buildings that were supposed to be restricted. And if for some reason he did, I was pretty damn sure the apparent teenagers didn't have bright red eyes like I currently did.

"I….," the man faltered as I approached him. "How did you….?"

I didn't answer the question. I didn't need to. What I needed was his blood. And that was easy to get.

In one swift lunge, I tackled the man to the ground, causing his toolbox to fly into the metal door he'd come through. I bit into his neck without further thought. I'd done it enough times to be calloused to it, killing humans to feed my thirst. To me, it was natural. It was as natural as anything, though I knew there were other vampires out there who had some sort of guilt about feeding on humans.

Within minutes, I'd completely drained the man's body of blood. It wasn't the best I'd had. I could tell he was a smoker, by his scent and his blood. As mediocre as his blood tasted, it did the trick. The burning sensation in the back of my throat was quenched. It'd be about another week before it came back and before I needed to do this all over again, but for now, I was okay.

I lifted myself off his now dead body and looked down at the man I'd just killed. Because I had touched him, I knew everything. His name was Eddie Gonzalez. He had an ex-wife and a kid, a son he didn't get to see much since his ex remarried. He had been a promising basketball player in high school but he had to drop out because he knocked his girlfriend up. His dad died when he was twelve from a heart attack and his mother lived with his aunt in the Bronx. He loved hard rock music. Guns 'n' Roses was his favorite band.

Sighing, I grabbed the pocket knife I stashed in my the pocket of my leather jacket. I made a clean cut across his throat, so it looked like that had been his cause of death rather than a vampire bite. I knew in the long run that it didn't really matter, but it would make the death look less out of place. Most vampire killings were classified as wild animal killings by humans, which didn't make much sense in the middle of the concrete jungle. The cops and the family could more easily understand a lunatic with pocket knife and a penchant for throat slashing.

I wiped the knife on the his shirt.

"Hope you get a nice funeral, Eddie," I said to the colorless corpse.

I got to my feet and shook my head down at the body. Humans.

I turned my back to the body, and with one leap crossed to the next rooftop, taking in all the sounds and sights of a Manhattan evening as I went. Vampire senses meant every sense of mine was heightened and it was even more intense after a feeding, at least in my experience.

I leapt rooftop to rooftop until I made it back home. It was a penthouse in the Upper East Side, one that my coven had owned and periodically lived in since the seventies. It had become a passion project for my adopted mother, Elisabeth, who loved designing and decorating the rather impressive space. Right now, everything was ultra modern - clean lines, light colors, minimalist furniture. She'd even put in bigger windows to let more light in, which was convenient for me. I preferred windows over doors. I think that was part of Elisabeth's reasoning. That, and the thing about letting more light in.

"That was quick," Elisabeth said, right on time as I shut the window behind me. "You usually take much longer when you go hunting."

I shrugged, tossing my jacket into the nearest armchair. "Easy find tonight."

She nodded, looking me over as if she knew something I didn't know and didn't want to find out.

"Is Nevaeh still up?" I asked.

"Oh, goodness, no," Elisabeth said. "It's nearly ten-thirty."

"On a Friday," I reminded her. "No school tomorrow. She should be allowed to stay up however late she wants."

Elisabeth narrowed her eyes. They were golden, as she went hunting yesterday with Samuel, her husband, and for all intents and purposes, my father. The two of them were the leader of our little coven.

"Still, I like her to be on a schedule during the school year," Elisabeth said.

Nevaeh had just gone back to school last week. She was now in the fourth grade. I could've sworn Samuel and Elisabeth had adopted her a week or so ago, and now she was a full fledged little human with a mind of her own. And she was better at drawing than anyone I'd ever come across in my life. I hated to think that in just ten years she'd have to become a vampire, like me. Like the rest of us. It wasn't what I wanted for her. But it was the deal.

"You were fast tonight," came the voice of Samuel.

Samuel was the leader of our little coven. He'd changed all of us, except for Anna. That had been Jesse's doing. I loved Samuel for being the father I never had, but at the same time I couldn't help resent him. I had wanted to die that night. But he saved me. He made me into something that could never die. The longing for dying hadn't changed in the twelve years since. So much else had changed, but that…..that had stayed the same.

"I was too thirsty to be picky," I said.

Samuel chuckled. He walked to Elisabeth, setting a loving hand on her waist before kissing her temple gently. I took a seat in one of Elisabeth's new armchairs. I knew something was coming. I could feel it.

"We need to have a talk," Samuel then said in his low, even voice. He sat on the sofa across from me. Elisabeth promptly left the room.

"I figured," I said. "Elisabeth was acting too weird."

Samuel said nothing. He was preparing himself to tell me whatever it was. The longer he took, the more agitated I became.

"Just say it," I nearly demanded.

"You're moving," Samuel said.

I looked into his eyes, which were golden. Through the years, he'd experimented with the "vegetarian" diet, which meant feeding off animal blood rather than human blood. He was in the midst of one of his experimentations right now. He was getting moose and mountain lion blood delivered to him from a vampire connection in Canada. There were bags and bags of the stuff in the fridge. It didn't appeal to me.

"What does that mean?" I asked. " _I'm_ moving? You're not? The rest of us aren't?"

"No," he said. "You need to move for your own protection. Temporarily, most likely. But it is necessary."

I narrowed my crimson eyes. "Why? What the hell does that mean? Protection from what?"

Samuel released the equivalent of a sigh for a vampire. "Because Bastien is coming to New York."


	2. chapter two - necessities

Hello again everyone! I was very glad and grateful to see that some lovely folks already decided to fave and follow this little project of mine. I really do appreciate it and it keeps me motivated to keep writing. Don't be afraid to leave a review, I love hearing from people! I hope you enjoy this chapter.

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 **chapter two - necessities**

" _Ich liebe dich," Bastien told me once again, carefully moving my hair from my face._

" _Ich liebe dich," I repeated._

 _The smile on my face was soft, but at the same time one of the strongest and most meaningful that had ever graced my face. Things were different with Bastien, as stereotypical as that sounded. With him, there wasn't the same pressure that there was with Samuel and Elisabeth. Did Samuel allow me to hunt as I pleased? Yes, though he discouraged it. He hated himself enough for feeding off of humans. It was clear based on his endless attempts to become a vegetarian._

 _But Bastien….Bastien encouraged me to hunt. He, like me, believed that it was natural. We were supposed to feed off of humans. Not animals. And he hunted_ with _me. Hunting with him, feeding with him, sharing the experience with him was all an a sort of hyper-erotic experience that usually culminated in some heavy sex when we arrived back to our penthouse. If we could wait until we were in private in the penthouse, that is._

" _Your German is still terrible," Bastien laughed._

" _As is your hair right now," I chuckled, messing with his mid-brown locks playfully._

" _Low blow," he grinned._

 _I kissed him again, tasting the remnants of the human we'd devoured on his tongue. Hands in my hair, he pulled my face away from his, smiling up at me. His smile was perfect. It probably would've been perfect even if he hadn't been a vampire. I straddled his hips and set my hands on his chest, which was just as cold as I was and just as stony._

" _Don't tell me you're ready for a second round," he said with a raised brow. "You've already worn me out enough for one night."_

" _Don't worry about it," I assured him. "That was a favor to you."_

 _He rolled his eyes. "As if."_

 _I laughed and patted his chest. I gave him one last kiss before hopping off the bed, which we'd more or less destroyed a few dozen times over. With a skip and a hop, I was out on our little balcony, overlooking the twinkling lights of Berlin. It reminded me of New York, but at the same time, it was so different. Parts of it were so old, and parts of it were so new and bland, having been built up by the GDR. Still, the city had a voice of its own, one that truly drew me in. Perhaps part of that was because it was where Bastien was. I'd follow him anywhere._

" _Berlin's so beautiful," I said, feeling Bastien coming up behind me._

 _He set his hands atop mine on the railing, his front pressed into my back. He had hastily put some underwear on and I had hastily slipped into the nearest t-shirt of mine I could find that covered my ass. He leaned forward, pressing a deep kiss into the crook of my neck._

" _Nicht so schön wie du," he murmured. "Not as beautiful as you."_

" _Don't be cheesy like that," I replied._

 _He laughed. We watched the city together. Until a certain human scent caught our noses. It was a man, a middle aged man crossing the street towards our building. He took good care of himself, I could tell. I could smell it in his blood, as well as by seeing his impressive physique. He was talking on the phone. It was a business call._

" _Are you in the mood for dessert, darling?" Bastien asked me, peering down._

 _I smirked. "Immer."_

"You know, you're really never going to use this in life," I told Nevaeh. "Especially in the digital age."

She looked up at me, narrowing her bluish eyes. "Mrs. Hanscomb still wants me to learn it. And I have to learn it to get an A."

I grinned. "Yeah, I know. Just sayin'."

Nevaeh smiled at me. She was missing one of her front teeth, which made her look even cuter than she already was. She was blessed with good looks, though I thought most biracial kids were. She had her biological mother's blue eyes, which were so much like Elisabeth and I's when we were humans. She had her biological father's tight, dark curls which she wore in braids adorned with blue beads to accentuate her eyes. And she had perfect, clear, deep olive-toned skin with a cute little button nose.

I watched Nevaeh's pencil come to a full halt on the page. She was doing long division, something I remember thinking was stupid when I was her age. The question 4 divided by 472 had stumped her.

"Need help?" I asked.

"No," she replied stubbornly. Sometimes I could've sworn we were biologically related with how stubborn she was.

"Think about it," I prompted her. I gave her a good minute on her own, but she hadn't come to any conclusions. "Break the 72 down. What's 4 times 10?"

"40," Nevaeh answered without missing a beat.

"Good. And what's 72 minus 40?"

"32."

"And how many times does 4 go into 32?"

"Eight."

"Exactly. Eight plus ten?"

"Eighteen."

"And four divided by four is….?"

"One."

"Right. Altogether it's….?"

"One hundred and eighteen," Nevaeh said triumphantly.

"See?" I said, patting her warm, blood filled shoulder. "You've got it."

"Thanks, Lindsay," Nevaeh smiled.

"No problem," I assured her.

I let her go back to doing her own work until she got stumped again. I leaned back in my chair. It was one of the new ones Elisabeth had gotten, all leather and rounded. Not at all the kind of dining chair I would've chosen, but I suppose it fit the new modern aesthetic of the penthouse.

In watching Nevaeh, I couldn't help but to think of her fate. At eighteen, she'd become like me. Frozen forever. Thirsty forever. Alive forever. I didn't want her to be like that. I wanted her to be an nine-year-old little human girl forever. Innocent and sweet, with dashes of stubbornness and spunk and a hint of attitude that I liked in a girl. She was perfect the way she was. I didn't want her to turn ten, let alone become a vampire on her eighteenth birthday.

I didn't empathize with humans much. I hadn't even empathized with humans when I was one. But having Nevaeh in my life had taught me otherwise. She showed me the good in humans, or human children, to be exact. I saw her take her first steps, heard her say her first word (which was "Linny," as she was trying to say my name), watched her incredible joy when she successfully mastered the potty and how proud she was when she finally got the training wheels taken off her pink bike with streamers on the handles.

As innocent and sweet and perfect as Nevaeh was, I knew that would change as she got older. The older you got, the more you let the world rot you. It was a lesson I learned quickly, having to grow up faster than a lot of other children. I knew she wouldn't remain like this forever, as much as I wished she could, trapped in the amber of the moment, as Vonnegut would say. Because the world got to people. I saw it. I lived it. I killed people who lived it every week or so.

"Fried chicken, southern style, made just for Miss Nevaeh Grace," said Anna, entering the dining room from the kitchen. "With green beans, mashed potatoes and gravy."

"Thank you," Nevaeh said graciously. Elisabeth had really nailed etiquette into the kid's mind.

"Not a problem," Anna assured her with that unfairly beautiful smile of hers. "How's the homework coming?"

"Almost done," Nevaeh said. She was rushing to scribble down the last answer. "Done!"

"Good job, sweetie," Anna said. She took a seat across from us, crossing her legs in her bohemian chic skirt. "Tell me how school was."

"Good," Nevaeh said. She dug right into her food. I didn't blame her. Anna's cooking was amazing, well, at least it smelled and looked amazing. "We had art class today."

"That's right, it's Monday, isn't it?" Anna replied. "What kinda art projects did you do?"

With a slight eye roll, Nevaeh answered, "We're gonna paint different monuments from New York, but we're _not_ allowed to use the actual colors….like, if I wanted to paint the Empire State Building, I'd have to make it bright pink. And no one in my class but me seemed to get what that meant."

"Cause you're a genius," came Jesse's voice. "Especially when it comes to your art."

"I know," Nevaeh replied playfully.

Looking to me, Jesse asked, "Aren't you supposed to be leaving?"

I narrowed my eyes. "No."

Anna sensed the tension between the two of us and suggested, "Why don't you two step into the other room?"

It was a good suggestion, one that neither of us refuted. We both stood and walked down the hall into the library, where we stood at odds with each other. Which was weird, because Jesse and I had always gotten along.

Jesse was the kind of guy, or vampire, who didn't let things get him down. He didn't get on my case about my human-based diet, despite the fact that he'd been a vegetarian since he was turned back in 1933. He always made me laugh, which often was quite the accomplishment due to my near constant gloom and doom. He didn't confront me about things the way Samuel and Elisabeth did, but I suppose that was because he was my adopted big brother rather than my adopted parents like they were. I liked and got along with Anna too, but we just weren't as close as Jesse and I were.

"I don't know why you're being stubborn about this," Jesse said.

He, like Anna and Samuel, was of African American descent, but his skin was lighter, closer to Nevaeh's tone. Elisabeth had turned him because of this. She said he looked like what her child with Samuel should've looked like - middle-dark skin and light eyes that were now golden from having fed recently.

"Because I don't need to be protected like a delicate flower," I retorted. "I can fend for myself, y'know."

Jesse rolled his eyes. "Yeah, we've seen how you fend for yourself against Bastien. Berlin worked out real well for you last time, Lindsay."

"I don't love him anymore," I said. It sounded like I was trying to convince myself more than anything, which didn't help my case at all.

"It doesn't matter," Jesse said. "If he gets within sight of you, he can shock you and before you know it you're chained in a basement in Berlin with him."

"You're wrong," I said. "I won't be that easily manipulated by him."

"He's not alone," Jesse informed me. "He's gathered others."

"How do you know?" I asked.

"I know," Jesse said. That didn't really answer the question. "Rachel and Oliver ran into them during their anniversary trip to Spain….Bastien didn't say anything, nor did they really speak, but Rachel sensed that -"

"Rachel's been wrong," I interjected.

Rachel and Oliver were vampire friends of ours who lived in the city as well. Rachel, like most vampires, had a gift. Samuel could control minds, Jesse was a super fighter, Elisabeth had telekinetic abilities, Anna could hypnotize her victims and Rachel had the ability to sense danger coming to her friends. She'd been right before, uncannily right. But she'd also been wrong. Dead wrong.

"And she's been right," Jesse reminded me. "Either way, we don't want to take risks with you, Lindsay. We all love you too much to let him take you."

"He won't take me," I said.

"We don't want to take the chance," Jesse said. "We don't know who he has coming."

"The Volturi won't let him get away with anything."

"The Volturi don't know, and won't know unless it's too late," Jesse said. "You and I both know that."

Neither of us said anything for a minute. We let the tension do the talking until Jesse couldn't keep his mouth shut anymore.

"If you won't go for yourself or for us, go for Nevaeh," Jesse said, passing me on his way out. "She loves you."


	3. chapter three - gifted

I'm so glad to see that people seem to be liking this! I plan on trying to get a chapter posted every other day, but I'm sure I'll miss a day every once and awhile, since I go to school and work. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and don't be afraid to leave a review!

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 **chapter three - gifted**

" _Just relax," Samuel said. "You're too tense. There's nothing to be worried about."_

" _They're not going to do anything," Jesse assured me. "They just want to meet you. It's customary. Especially since Samuel was the one who turned you."_

 _I raised a brow slightly. "What's that supposed to mean?"_

 _Samuel chuckled. "The Volturi are convinced I have some sort of gift when it comes to turning humans into vampires with special gifts. They've tried recruiting every one of us, multiple times. Any of us would be an asset to them, if we were interested….and you're no different, Lindsay. I have a feeling Aro's going to be extremely interested in your gift."_

" _My_ gift _," I repeated through an eye roll._

" _It is a gift," Samuel said. "Whether it's one you like or not, it's your gift. And I'm sure the Volturi are going to be extremely interested in it."_

" _I'm not going to join them," I said stubbornly._

 _Samuel, Jesse, Elisabeth and Anna all chuckled._

" _You didn't need to tell us that," Samuel laughed. "We're all well aware of your problem with authority."_

 _I smirked. It was one of my defining characteristics, in my previous life and in this one._

 _Coming up behind me, Elisabeth fretted over my hair. Ever since joining their "family," she'd really taken the role of my adoptive mother seriously. She gave me design magazines, telling me to pick out whatever I wanted for my new room. She would've taken me shopping, but given my newborn status and my already adept hunting skills, she didn't trust me to go out in public yet. She gave me piles and piles of designer clothes and loved to style my hair for me - whether I liked it or gave her permission to do so._

" _My hair is fine," I said, trying to lean forward out of her grip. She had started to redo the French braid she'd restrained my dark locks to._

" _Fine isn't good enough," Elisabeth smiled._

 _She was beautiful. I imagined she would've been beautiful as a human too, with her soft, deep red locks, high cheekbones and full lips. I was told she had blue eyes as a human. It was why Samuel saved me instead of allowing me to die as I wanted to. He said my eyes were exactly the same as Elisabeth's when she'd been alive. I could see how stunning she must've been with blue eyes._

 _There came a knock at the door. They were here._

" _Anna, if you would be so kind," Samuel said, nodding to his adopted daughter-in-law._

 _She nodded, picking herself up from her place on the sofa across from me. She was dressed simply, but elegant as always in a pair of high waisted black pants with a white blouse tucked into them, showing off her tall, trim figure._

" _Hello," Anna greeted._

 _Without a word, the Volturi entered our New Orleans home. They were dressed in long robes. They were lucky it was Mardi Gras, or else the outfits would've looked bizarre. But during Mardi Gras, they were some of the more normal looking ones._

 _Three stood at the front. I could assume they were the leaders. One dark haired man, one white haired man, one jet-black haired man. Two men stood to the back at their sides, guards, clearly. The three leaders were all intimidating in their own right. And powerful, I was assured. They didn't need guards._

" _Pleasure, Samuel," the jet-black haired vampire said without taking his bright red eyes off of me. He must've fed off humans, like me. "I see this is your newest creation?"_

" _You know I don't like that terminology," Samuel chided, tucking his hands into the pockets of his pants. "I don't refer to my family members as creations."_

" _You've already bonded with her," the dark haired man commented. "All of you are quite attached….how long has it been?"_

" _About eight months," Elisabeth said. She was still behind me, hands on my shoulder in a motherly fashion._

" _Hm," the man muttered. "All four of you have a bond to her that would indicate you've been together longer."_

" _Please, Marcus," the black haired man said. "We've forgotten our manners….it's a pleasure to meet you, Lindsay. My name is Aro, and together with Marcus," he gestured to the man who'd made the bonding comments, "And Caius," he gestured to the white-haired man who looked ready to pounce, "We lead the Volturi. But I'm sure your creator, excuse me, your_ father _, has already informed you about us."_

" _A bit," I answered. My throat felt dry. It shouldn't have. I had just fed yesterday._

 _Aro extended his hand to me. He wanted to shake my hand, and he was going to do it without my consent._

" _Please do not touch her," Samuel requested. He'd intercepted Aro's hand with vampiric speed._

 _Aro looked taken aback, but suddenly even more interested than he had before. "Why?"_

 _Samuel faltered, and then said, "Her gift is unique."_

 _Samuel had really caught the ancient vampire's attention now. The grin on his face was almost maniacal as he inquired, "How so?"_

 _Samuel looked to Elisabeth and I. I could tell he didn't want to tell the Volturi. He feared they'd try and recruit me, or use another vampire to take me with them regardless of what I wanted._

" _She….if you touch her, she absorbs your gift," Samuel explained. "Not robbing you of it, but acquiring the ability to use it herself."_

 _Aro was staring at me, plotting. He was laughing too, in a way that was deeply unsettling. Behind him, Caius appeared interested for the first time, while Marcus narrowed his eyes at me._

" _Wonderful," Aro said, coming closer to me. "I must see your gift for myself now. I must…..please, shake my hand."_

" _You don't understand," Samuel said. "It's not that simple. It's not that easy. Each time she absorbs a gift, as she had done with each of the four of us, she gets overwhelmed. Nearly sent into shock. I've never seen anything like it in another vampire…..I think her senses get overloaded. It hurts her."_

" _The pain will only be temporary," Aro said, brushing off Samuel's warning. "You must understand, Samuel, I must take a look at her. It's customary."_

 _Samuel knew there was nothing more to do. He stepped back, and took Elisabeth's hand to move her away from me as well. I stood up and offered Aro a hand, which he eagerly took._

 _He was cold, even colder than I was or any of the others were. He held onto me, his eyes growing distant, as if he was looking through me rather than at me. I knew what he was doing. He was looking into everything my mind had ever felt, seen, thought, done…..he could see everything. That was his gift. And now that he had touched me, it was one of mine too._

 _I already had too many. I had Samuel's, the ability to influence others to do as I pleased. I had Elisabeth's, the ability to move objects telekinetically. I had Jesse's, the ability to fight exceptionally well and predict my opponent's moves. I had Anna's, the ability to send someone into a hypnotic trance. And now I had Aro's. Now I would see everyone's everything with every touch._

 _I didn't want it. I didn't want any of them. Every inch of my body burned, as if it was trying to reject all of the "gifts" that had been bestowed on me. I fell to my knees, my head feeling like it was going to explode. Aro released me. Elisabeth rushed to my side, rubbing my back as she helped me off the floor._

 _As much as she tried to comfort me, it didn't matter. Pain, worse that the extreme thirst pain I'd felt, worse than any pain I'd felt as a human, was rushing through my icy body. Everything was sharp and searing. Every emotion imaginable was coursing through my nervous system, making my brain feel like an egg in a frying pan. It hurt. To say it hurt like hell was an understatement. It was always was like this after I absorbed a gift. It made it not worth it, in my opinion._

" _Amazing," Aro said. "I've never seen anything like it….you would do well among the Volturi."_

 _I looked at him, attempting to rub the pain from my forehead to no avail. "No thanks. I have a problem with authority."_

 _Aro's expression changed. He was amused with me now._

" _Very well," he said in a sigh. "I see….however, if you ever change your mind -"_

" _I won't."_

 _Samuel shot me a look. Jesse was doing his best to resist laughing, which Anna smacking him for, and Elisabeth squeezed me. Perhaps I'd been a bit rude._

" _I'm sorry," I apologized._

" _No offense taken," Aro assured me with a strange sort of smile. "But the offer stands. If you ever wish to join us, you're welcome in Volterra anytime. I know you would be a perfect addition to our coven."_

" _Thank you," I said. I only said it because it was what Samuel wanted me to say._

" _Of course," Aro nodded. He bowed a bit, before turning to the others to say, "Come, Marcus, Caius…..I believe our visit is over. That, and we must take a look at all of the humans celebrating Mardi Gras."_

 _Caius and Marcus bowed as well, following Aro out the door with the guards behind them. Though they were gone for now, it would only be a matter of time before we met again. I was smart enough to know that._

"How long is my exile supposed to last?" I inquired, packing my suitcase.

Samuel chuckled slightly. "It's not an exile, Lindsay. Think of it as a vacation."

"A stress inducing vacation that I was forced to go on against my will, without my family," I retorted. "A real once in a lifetime trip. Can't wait."

"You haven't lost your teenage sarcasm," Samuel commented.

"The sarcasm is a part of me," I said. "Not because of the fact that I was a teenager."

The sarcasm was a part of me I wasn't going to lose, that was undeniable. But, I also still felt I was a teenager. Yeah, technically I was going to have my sixteen year-old-body forever, but I didn't feel I'd moved much past sixteen mentally yet either.

"Aren't you going to bring a dress?" Anna said, looking through my suitcase. "You need to bring at least two dresses. A girl can always use a dress."

I rolled my eyes. As much as I loved fashion and getting dolled up and going to the clubs (something I continued to do into my immortality), I hated dresses. I liked dressing in a sort of gender ambiguous way. Jeans, combat boots, leather jackets, old tee shirts and flannels were my style. Not the uber-girly dresses Anna insisted would look good on me. I liked my grungy looks. I was a 90's teen after all.

"They'd waste space," I said. "There's no point."

"What about this one?" Anna asked.

She held up the Chanel dress she'd bought me for my birthday. It was black, with thin spaghetti straps and a lacy top part. It hit the waist high, and then fell down to the ankles, the fabric gauzy, light and, as Anna put it, "goth, yet ethereal." The impressive price tag was still attached.

"What kind of occasion would I wear that to?" I asked, nearly laughing.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "What if there's a party or something?"

I glared. "I'm going to Forks, not Paris."

"You're impossible," Anna said. She folded the dress into the suitcase nonetheless. "And this is going with you."

I chuckled. I liked being impossible as much as I liked being sarcastic.

"You didn't answer my question, though, Samuel," I said, sitting down on my bed. I'd let Anna take over the packing if she cared so much. "About the length of my sentence."

Samuel chuckled, but the smile on his face soon fell.

"I'm not sure," he said. "I can't say. Things could get bad here with Bastien sniffing around for you. There….there could be a major fight. And we're not going to risk you becoming a part of that."

I crossed my chest and rolled my eyes. "You make it sound like I'm too weak to fight."

"I never said that," Samuel said. "But we don't know what kinds of measures Bastien's willing to go to in order to get you back. We're afraid he might kill you."

"You know that doesn't bother me."

Samuel and I stared at each other. Feeling the tension in the room, Anna made a swift exit.

"It bothers me," Samuel said. "And the others. And Nevaeh - I know you love Nevaeh."

He'd caught me. I loved that little girl to death. Metaphorically speaking.

"We're just keeping you safe," he continued. "Because we know what kind of a hold Bastien can have over you. And we know there's a strong chance of having to fight. I know you can fight - that's not the problem. The problem is we can't guarantee that you won't be touched if a fight breaks out, and you and I are well aware of the consequences."  
He was right. I did not want to risk being touched by any other vampires. I had already absorbed seven gifts from other vampires. I'd discovered that it was increasingly painful each time it happened. And it wasn't the great gift that Aro and Bastien had cracked it up to be. It was a near constant overload. It was like trying to run a program on a computer without the proper software. I could use the gifts, sure, but I didn't have anywhere near the confidence or control over them that their original owners did.

"You'll be fine with the Cullens," Samuel said, breaking the silence. "They're well aware of the situation regarding your gift. And there will be extra protection there with the wolves."

I released a stifled laugh. _The wolves._ I'd managed to forget Samuel's friends the Cullens lived in the middle of some werewolf territory. Another reason to look forward to my exile.

"Come here," Samuel instructed with open arms.

I obliged, grinning as he hugged me.

"You know I love you, Lindsay," Samuel said. "You know I've always considered you to be my daughter since day one."

"I know."

"And you know I wouldn't ask you to go unless I thought it was the best thing."

"I know."

There was a pause in our conversation as I rested my head on his ice cold, rock hard shoulder.

"What about Nevaeh?" I asked.

"Nevaeh and Elisabeth will be going to Canada to stay with Vivienne, Pierre and Angelica," Samuel informed me. "A good opportunity for Nevaeh to learn some French. Rachel and Oliver will be staying with us as reinforcements in Elisabeth's absence."

I grinned slightly, but the grin fell off my face in a matter of seconds. "I'm sorry for all of this."

Samuel shook his head. "It's not you, Lindsay. It's Bastien."

I separated myself from Samuel. "And Bastien wouldn't give a shit about me if it wasn't for my damn gift."

"I won't deny that," Samuel said. A beat passed, and he patted my back between my shoulder blades in a loving, fatherly way. "Promise me you'll be good."

I looked up at him. We both knew I couldn't really promise that. I wasn't known for my ability to behave myself, alive or as a vampire.

"Lindsay," he said. "Promise me."

"I don't know if I can."

"You have to."

I frowned. Part of the deal was that I had to go to high school - all of the Cullens did, except Esme and Carlisle. It was part of their cover story, that they were all adopted teens, and it would've been weird if they didn't go to school, especially in a town as small as Forks. Part of my protection depended on my ability to blend in and go to school too. Bastien wouldn't look for me in a high school. He knew me too well.

"Fine," I sighed. "Fine, I promise to be on my best behavior. Even though that doesn't mean much."

"Don't be such a pessimist," Samuel said, squeezing me tight once again. "The Cullens are great. Forks could be better than you think."


	4. chapter four - family ties

Back again with another chapter! As I said, I'm happy to see that this fic has some readers! I understand it's not the "typical" kind of _Twilight_ fanfiction, but I'm glad to see that some people are giving it a chance and enjoying it. I appreciate all the favs and follows, and remember - don't be afraid to leave a review!

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 **chapter four - family ties**

 _After the divorce, my mother didn't bother to move. She stayed in the same ostentatiously decorated penthouse in the Upper East Side. Funnily, it wasn't too far from where I now lived with Samuel and Elisabeth. My father had left, though. He got a mini mansion in Jersey and a new, significantly younger wife._

 _I didn't know why my mother chose to stay here. Maybe it was insecurity. Maybe she was too scared to change her lifestyle after years of living in the lap of luxury. Besides, she got a good bit of Dad's Wall Street money in the divorce settlement. It wasn't like she_ needed _to move. I just would've assumed she was. It was the home where her husband left her, and where, as far as she knew, her daughter was violently abducted._

 _But that didn't shake her. She stayed. She renovated, even though I couldn't say the renovations made much of an improvement. If anything, she made it uglier, gaudier. Dad had prevented that by giving her an allowance. An allowance that was enough to fund a drug habit and a retail addiction, but not enough to over decorate to her heart's desire. Now no one stood in the way of that, and it was obvious._

 _Easily, I jimmied the window to my mother's private lounge. She called it her lounge. In reality, it was a drug den. Everyone knew that. She didn't think so, but it was the truth._

 _The walls in the lounge were covered in pink and silver wallpaper that hurt my eyes to look at, even in the dark. The room smelled like pinot grigio; I could tell Mom had spilt her drink of choice all over the white fur rug. And there she was, right in the middle of it._

 _She was passed out on the chaise lounge in the center of the room, still wearing a Versace cocktail dress that revealed a little too much for her age and a chinchilla fur wrap. The outfit was her choice to wear to the opening party for her new boutique. I had no clue how she thought she was going to run a business. But people came. I'd been watching from a distance. People came because they were shallow, and my mother was an easy target. Flatter her, she'd throw a couple hundred your way._

 _I crouched down in front of where my mother snored, peering into her face. She'd had Botox since I left. And lip injections, by the look of it. Maybe a brow lift, or perhaps a crafty makeup artist. Her hair was still big and bleach blonde, though her extensions were showing the way she was laying. She was still clutching the bottle of pinot grigio, which was empty. Like I said, she'd spilled it all over the rug. I wondered how many pills she downed with the wine. I probably didn't want to know the real answer to that question._

 _It would be so easy for me to kill her. To reach forward and snap her neck, or sink my teeth right into her jugular. It was perfectly exposed. I could kill her in a matter of seconds. And some part of me wanted to do that. I'd endured her slapping me across the face too many times to count, forgetting me and leaving me in the middle of the city as a child, locking me in my room and refusing to feed me because I'd said something she deemed as disrespectful, listened to all the insults she hurled my way when she was high, etc. I was still angry with her for all of that. I always would be._

 _But I wasn't going to kill her._

 _I had learned, especially since becoming immortal, that death was the most precious thing. Giving it to her would be giving her a gift, an easy exit. The real way to get revenge on her was to let her live. To let her dry up in her penthouse, surrounded by her material treasures, numbing the real emptiness she felt with pills and wine, that was the fate I decided she deserved._

 _I stood up from where I crouched. Seeing her again made me grateful for my vampire family. Yes, I resented Samuel for changing me in the first place, but that didn't mean I wasn't grateful for the love they gave me. I was loved by Samuel, Elisabeth, Jesse and Anna from the moment Samuel brought me to his home. Samuel took on the fatherly role easily. He was my mentor and my biggest supporter, a silent ear when I needed it and a guiding voice when it was necessary. Elisabeth did everything she could to show me affection - hugs, kisses, gifts, advice, kind words - everything my mother never bothered to do. Jesse taught me about vampires, how to win fights (partially due to my absorbing his gift) and how to laugh, like, really,_ really _laugh and appreciate the little things, though I was still learning that. Anna eased into being my big sister, a girly confidant and style advisor, as well as someone ready to call me out on my shit and let me know when I was getting on her nerves._

 _I didn't have any of that with my mother and father. I had two people who were obsessed with the material things in life. My father loved money, my mother loved anything money could buy. I was an accident, the accident that ended my mother's fledging swimsuit model career. I wasn't really their daughter, at least I never felt like I was. I was a burden at best, the kid lost in the shuffle who was a bothersome presence, always getting underfoot. I was never really wanted, and I was painfully aware from that since birth._

 _I leapt out the same window I crept into without looking back._

"You know, if I'm going to be stuck in a car with you for the next three days, I am not going to suffer listening to jazz the whole time," I said.

I took the liberty of ejecting his Duke Ellington CD. I couldn't count the times I'd had to listen to the same ten tracks over and over again living with Jesse. I wasn't a jazz fan. Like at all. I didn't get it. It wasn't of my generation, it was of Jesse's. He loved jazz. Probably because his parents had been jazz musicians. Still, I hated it.

"And I'm not going to suffer listening to your music if I'm going to be stuck in a car with you for three days," Jesse retorted with a smirk.

He hated the music I liked more than I hated jazz. I liked anything dark and or heavy. Industrial metal, black metal, nu metal, heavy metal, all of the types of metal, really. I also liked club and dance music, because it brought me back to all the nights I'd wasted at places like the Limelight when I was still human. But the heavy stuff was what I spent more time drowning myself in. Jesse insisted it was depressing, telling me I wouldn't be depressed if I didn't listen to it. I assured him it was cathartic, because for me, it was. It got everything out.

"We'll switch off, then," I suggested. "You get to play a full record of your choice, and then I do. You just went, so it's my turn now."

Jesse's eye roll was enough of an agreement for me. I plugged my iPod into the stereo. My first choice was Slayer's _Reign in Blood_ , partially because I knew it would bug Jesse. I could see his glare at me as soon as the first track, "Angel of Death," came blaring through the speakers.

"You know you've kind of turned yourself into a stereotype with all of this?" Jesse half-asked.

I raised a brow. "What's that mean?"

"With the all black outfits and the screaming music," Jesse said. "Isn't that kind of stereotypical for the modern vampire?"

I shrugged. "I mean, I guess so."

"I thought you hated stereotypes," he commented.

"Yeah, but I originated this stereotype," I retorted. "It was based on me."

Jesse laughed. "So you see yourself as a trendsetter?"

Playfully, I answered, "I suppose you could call me that."

We continued zooming down the highway through Pennsylvania, crossing over to Ohio. We'd been silent for a while, which I was okay with. I was the kind of person who didn't have to keep up a conversation. In fact, I found it pointless to keep up a conversation just for the sake of being polite.

"Are you still nervous about this trip?" Jesse asked, breaking that silence.

"I wouldn't say nervous is the right word," I said. "I'd say I'm dreading it…but not because I'm nervous."

"Because you're stubborn," Jesse smirked.

"True," I nodded. "And I have a problem with authority."

Jesse chuckled. "You're dreading it because you don't like the rules there."

"Yup," I said.

Both Jesse and I knew that my refuge with the Cullens came with a two rules. Rule one: No feeding off humans. I hadn't fed off of animals ever, because unlike them, I didn't believe feeding off humans was morally wrong. At first, when Samuel explained that I wouldn't be allowed to hunt, I assumed that I was going to be able to drink donated human blood, as last I knew Carlisle Cullen, the head of the coven there, was a doctor. But that wasn't going to be the case, because I had to blend in there.

Blending in meant I couldn't walk around with bright red eyes, the kind of eyes that vampires who fed off of humans had. In New York City, it was easy to pass of the red eyes as colored contacts. I only really went out at night, and to clubs more specifically, where red colored contacts were an easy-to-believe cover story. There were plenty of stranger looking people in New York, especially in those clubs. In the small town of Forks, Washington, however, no one walked around with red eyes. So I'd have to feed off of animal blood like the rest of them, in order to have golden eyes that would be less conspicuous.

I was angry about that, of course, but I was arguably even more angry with the second rule: I had to attend high school.

I never finished high school in my human life. I dropped out after Christmas break during my sophomore year. Well, I never formally dropped out. I just sort of stopped going. And as many times as Samuel and Elisabeth attempted to force me to go to school and complete my education, I didn't. I didn't see a point in the monotony of high school as a human, and I certainly failed to see it as a vampire. If humans didn't need to know geometry or how to write an MLA formatted essay, vampires definitely didn't.

But, it was a part of the deal that allowed me to stay in Forks while Samuel took care of Bastien. I was told I'd stick out too much if I didn't go to high school there. I thought I'd stick out _more_ if I did. I didn't have the self control around humans like self-control the Cullens had cultivated. It'd be a miracle if I didn't smell a paper cut and go on a massacre.

Jesse and I continued on our three day drive across the country. We only stopped for gas here and there. We didn't have any other reason to stop - we didn't need to sleep, and we didn't need to eat. Jesse brought a backup supply of bear blood from Samuel, which he drank some of. I'd gone hunting the day before to prepare. I'd gone out in style, taking seven human lives. I hoped a feast would last a while, to delay having to drink from animals.

We arrived in Forks around eleven p.m., and I couldn't have been happier to get out of the car. We arrived during Jesse's turn, meaning I had to endure another hour of Duke Ellington. I could've kissed the ground I stepped out onto, just for relieving me from one more damn Ellington song.

Jesse had been to Forks before, but I hadn't. It was quiet. Almost too quiet. There wasn't all of the static buzz of thousands of humans that New York, New Orleans and Berlin always had. No city smell, no city lights twinkling. The air was fresh, like, almost eerily fresh. It only reminded me that I'd have to become a vegetarian. I wanted to sprint all the way back to New York, but I knew that wasn't an option.

Carlisle and Esme Cullen, the leader of the coven and his wife, were already waiting for us on their front doorstep. The house reminded me a lot of Elisabeth - clean and modern. I wondered if she and Esme had been exchanging design plans. They were arguably better friends than Carlisle and Samuel, having bonded over their mutual love of design.

"Welcome, Lindsay," Carlisle greeted. He and Esme came down to greet us hand in hand. They were as vampirically good looking as I had recalled.

"We're so glad you're here," Esme said genuinely. Her face was rounder than Elisabeth's, softer. Somehow she looked even more maternal. "It's been such a long time since we've seen you….I'd say you've grown, but obviously, you didn't."

I chuckled. I appreciated Esme's attempt, even if it wasn't exactly having the intended effect on me.

"Well, as much as I want to stay with you, I should get going, Linds," Jesse said, dropping a brotherly hand on my shoulder. "Samuel has a lot to do. I should get back and help him."

"Okay," I said with a half-smile.

I allowed him to hug me. I wasn't a hugger. I hadn't been before, but I especially hated being touched now, based on my painful experiences touching vampires in the past. Touching Jesse or any other of my family members didn't hurt, since I already absorbed their abilities, but being touched still always put me on edge. Especially hugs. I felt like I was going to be strangled or smothered when I was hugged.

"Love you," Jesse said. He said it lowly, so Esme and Carlisle wouldn't overhear. But that was impossible.

"Love you too," I admitted begrudgingly.

My vampire family was very lovey-dovey. I was still adjusting.

"Thank you," Jesse said to Carlisle and Esme.

"Our pleasure," Carlisle responded. "Your father has done a lot for us. Allowing Lindsay to stay with us is the least we can do."

Jesse nodded. "I'll be back for her when this is all over."

"Say hello to Elisabeth for me," Esme reminded him.

"Will do, ma'am," Jesse said, with his trademark toothy-grinned charm. "Bye, Linds."

"Bye, Jess."

I walked into the Cullens' home empty handed and unoptimistic. Carlisle, being the gentleman he was, brought my luggage in for me while Esme stayed by my side. I think she wished she could reach out and hug me, or give me a simple touch on the shoulder to tell me I was going to be okay. I could tell she was like Elisabeth in that way. But, unlike Elisabeth, she hadn't yet touched me.

"You must be Lindsay!" came the voice of the small, pixie-like girl who bounded towards me. "It's so nice to meet you, I'm so happy -"

I didn't hear the words the came out of her mouth, I only reacted. Against her own will, she skidded back across the hardwood floors, about six feet back away from me. It was a product of the telepathic abilities I'd absorbed from Elisabeth, though I hadn't meant to use it. As I've said, I didn't have a good control over any of the gifts I'd absorbed. They tended to fire at random.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I thought -"

"That I was going to touch you?" the girl finished for me. "It's okay. Carlisle debriefed me on the situation. I'm Alice, by the way."

"Nice to meet you," I replied, attempting to calm down a bit.

I've never met any of the other Cullens. I hadn't met many vampires. Samuel did his best keeping me away from them, given the situation regarding my gift as well as based on how well my last encounter with other vampires went. I tried to recall what Samuel had told me about the others, what had he said Alice's gift was?

Oh yes. She had visions of the future. That was something I certainly didn't want to absorb.

"I can tell we're going to be good friends," Alice assured me with a sweet smile.

I smiled back. I didn't know if I bought that. I didn't have friends. I had my vampire family, but I did not have friends. I'd had maybe one or two friends as a human, but not now.

I didn't really know what to say in response to Alice, so I was grateful when Esme stepped in to introduce me to the rest of the Cullens that had gathered. I counted two others. Two must've been out. Hunting, probably.

"Lindsay, this is Rosalie."

Esme gestured to the blonde, who had classic good looks. She could've been an old Hollywood movie star in another life. She also didn't look happy to see me. I couldn't say it bothered me.

"And Edward."

She meant the boy, the one with the fashionably messy bronze hair.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Edward said. Clearly, he was better with the pleasantries than Rosalie was.

"Same to you," I replied.

"Emmett and Jasper are out hunting," Esme told me. "But you'll be able to meet them in the morning."

 _Like it matters,_ I thought. I caught Edward staring at me, eyes narrowed. I'd forgotten he could read minds.

"I'll show you to your room," Alice offered, coming to my rescue.

"Thanks," I said.

I followed her up the staircase, grateful to escape the slightly awkward situation developing in the living room.

"I think you're going to like your room," Alice said, glancing at me over her shoulder. I hated to say it, but her smile was sort of infectious. "Esme's been working on it for the past week….she got some ideas from Elisabeth."

Alice opened the door at the end of the hall on the third floor for me. Immediately, I was able to tell that she was right - I loved it. Three out of four walls were covered in a soft gray striped wallpaper, the fourth wall behind the bed had been painted with chalkboard paint, just like how it was at home in New York. Elisabeth had done that due to my habit of writing on the walls. I did it a lot, when I was writing songs or poems. I had a problem with finding paper. I was impressed to see she'd included the bed, considering no vampire needed one. I still liked having a bed, because there was something about the comfort of curling up in bed amongst soft blankets that I could never go without.

The wall across from the bed was lined with a long bookshelf, already filled with books, knick-knacks, small house plants and photos of my family. There were some CDs too, ones I think that Elisabeth must've shipped here without me noticing. The wall to the left of the bed was all windows, so I could get a clear view of the Washington wilderness. A row of string lights hung above the bed and there was a soft black and white Persian rug covering most of the wooden floor.

"Esme didn't have to do all of this," I said, immediately feeling a rush of guilt. No one should go to that much trouble for me. "I appreciate it, but it's really….it's really too much. I'm not going to be here long."

"it wasn't an issue," Alice assured me. "Esme loves interior design, like Elisabeth. And I think you're going to be here longer than you think."

Coming from someone who could tell the future, I didn't like hearing that.

"Well, then, I'm glad I have such a nice room," I said. "I'll have to thank Esme later."

Alice nodded. "I'll give you some time to settle in. But if you need anything, you can come downstairs to my room. Or find anyone else."

"Thanks," I said again.

"No problem," Alice assured me cheerfully. "We're all happy to have you, Lindsay. Really, we are."

With that, she turned on her heels and bounced out of the room that was now mine. I took a seat on the bed. I didn't know why, as a vampire, I was still so attached to beds. Maybe it was my attempt to keep a part of my humanity, even though that was something I felt I lost before even becoming a vampire.

I looked out the window. I hated to admit it, but the scenery here was beautiful. So green and lush. Almost subterranean.

Maybe Samuel was right. Maybe I needed to be a little more optimistic.


	5. chapter five - first bite

I'm glad to see that this fic keeps getting more and more views. I always get excited to see that people are enjoying my work. You may have noticed I changed the rating...I wasn't sure if it was more of a T fic or an M fic, becuase I know I include some heavy subjects. I don't think it's anything the average teen can't handle, based on popular YA lit, so I put a trigger warning at the beginning. Anyway, I know you probably don't care. Just thinking aloud. Also, another trigger warning here: this chapter contains mention of drug use.

As always, don't be afraid to leave a review! I love hearing from people about my writing, even on a silly fanfiction. Enjoy!

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 **chapter five - first bite**

" _Who_ are _you?! You look absolutely_ fabulous!"

 _Coming from David Sinclair, one of the biggest club personalities in New York, I was flattered. I mean, who was I? I was some fifteen year old who'd made her way into the Limelight one night wearing a fishnet and glitter dress. Somehow, I'd managed to catch his attention and become one of the members of his inner circle._

 _I met him nearly a year ago, right after my fifteenth birthday. Now I was about a month away from turning sixteen, and had climbed my way up the bizarre social ladder that existed only in the clubs._

 _I was happy about this at first. I felt, for the first time in my life that I'd found somewhere I belonged. I sure as hell didn't belong at my house with my parents. I didn't really belong at school either. I was too weird for the elite private schools of the city. Everything from my gawky posture to my sailor's mouth, my penchant for piercings to my inability to shut up, was wrong. It was all wrong. But in the clubs, it was perfectly right. Everyone there was an outcast of some sort, mostly gay, obviously. Still, because everyone there had been an outcast, there were no outcasts in the world they'd created. The weirder and more outrageous you were, the better._

 _That's how I felt about everything at first. Now, almost a year later, I saw the darker side. I saw that people used the club as a place to get high and forget about their problems. You could get any drug you wanted in there, or you could slip money through a hole in the wall and get a cocktail that included a little bit of everything. Because of my mother, I had never wanted to do drugs. But because of my friendship with David Sinclair and his posse, I quickly changed my mind when it came to the subject._

 _No, they didn't force me to do drugs. They told me not to. Honestly. But I didn't listen, because I came to feel like the odd one out when everyone else was waltzing around in k-holes or whatever other shit they were on. And to be honest, I wanted to feel the numbness that came with being high. I wanted an escape too._

 _So I found one._

" _What's wrong with her?" David asked._

 _Ginny and Leon were dragging me into his apartment. Literally dragging me. I had no control over myself anymore, or so it seemed. I had no control over my stomach either. I'd puked all over myself and partially over the two of them on the way in._

" _What the fuck do you think is wrong with her?" Leon shot back. "She's been at Jeffrey's for the past week. He just kicked her out for vomiting on his Dolce and Gabbana jacket. We found her laying in her own puke on the street."_

 _David groaned, watching as Ginny dumped me onto his sofa. I knew he was probably hoping I wasn't going to puke on it. Neither of really had any control over that._

" _Why'd you bring her here?" David asked._

" _Where are we supposed to bring her?" Leon retorted. "You think we can show up to her ritzy penthouse and hand her over to her mother?"_

 _David didn't say anything. Ginny grabbed my face in her hands, trying to get me to focus on her face, which I just couldn't. I felt my stomach lurching, but I couldn't imagine I had anything left in my to puke up._

" _Get her something!" Ginny demanded. "She's freaking me out."_

" _I only have K," David said._

" _Well, get some into her," Ginny said. "Like yesterday."_

 _David rolled his eyes. He moseyed over to his little kitchen and prepped a line for me on one of his antique china plates._

" _Here," he said, begrudgingly handing it to Ginny._

 _She didn't have to say anything. I knew what to do. I leaned forward and snorted the whole line in record time._

 _Instantly, I felt better. It wasn't my drug of choice, it wasn't what I'd been doing over at Jeffrey's place, but it was something. Some drug to keep my body from trying to fuck me over with withdrawal._

 _God, I hated myself. What had I become, unable to go a couple of hours without doing drugs?_

 _I knew the answer to that question. And I hated myself more than anything for the answer:_

 _I had become my mother._

The next day came, and it was time for me to take my first vegetarian hunting trip with Alice and Rosalie. I wasn't excited about it. I wasn't thirsty either, but I knew I had to get animal blood in my system so that my eyes would turn golden, a less conspicuous color than the red they currently were.

I came downstairs to find Alice already waiting for me. She was as bubbly as she had been the night before and was thrilled to have me coming along. Maybe she was right when she said she predicted we'd be good friends. Opposites attract, as they say.

"Rosalie will be down soon," Alice chirped. "She likes to make sure she's all beautiful, even for stuff like this."

I couldn't imagine what Rosalie would be doing to make herself beautiful. She was beautiful enough. Even for a vampire, she was extremely beautiful with long, soft golden curls and and timelessly attractive features.

"Good morning," Carlisle greeted, coming down the stairs into the kitchen. He was dressed for his job at the hospital, white lab coat on and briefcase in hand. "Ready for your first vegetarian meal today, Lindsay?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," I answered. I gave him the best smile I could muster.

"I think you'll be fine," he assured me kindly. "It takes some getting used to, but you'll adjust."

"You will," Alice chimed in. Of course, she would know. "I'm not gonna lie, you're gonna hate it, but you'll do it."

I laughed. I appreciated Alice's honesty.

"Good luck," Carlisle winked. "I'll see you this evening."

"Have a good day," Alice reminded him.

"Thanks," Carlisle responded. "Esme will be in the office if you need her, Lindsay."

I thanked him, and he gave us one more wave before exiting the house to hop in the car and head to the hospital. Rosalie made her entrance a few moments later, already wearing a scowl.

"Forgive her," Alice told me. "She gets grumpy when she gets hungry."

Rosalie narrowed her eyes. "Let's just get this over with, okay?"

"Okay," Alice grinned. "Girls' trip!"

I chuckled, but Rosalie didn't. Alice rolled her eyes at me, which I only laughed at more while following her to the garage.

"We're taking my car today," Rosalie stated.

She clicked the keys in her hands, unlocking the bright red BMW convertible. I climbed in the backseat without question and Alice took shotgun. Rosalie peeled out of the garage and driveway with surprising speed.

"Do you like music, Lindsay?" Alice asked, reaching for the stereo.

"Yeah," I said. "But probably nothing either of you would like."

"You don't -" Alice said.

"Just leave the radio alone," Rosalie interjected.

Alice disobeyed, turning on whatever the local pop station was. She hummed along to the sappy love song, seeming serene despite her thirst. Rosalie parked the car on the shoulder of the road after about twenty minutes of driving. I thought it was weird that she wasn't concerned about leaving the car like that, but once I realized just how out of the way we were, I knew there wasn't any danger of the car being stolen or vandalized. I had to remember I wasn't in New York anymore.

Rosalie took off without waiting for Alice or I. I didn't really care, but I could tell Alice was offended on my behalf.

"I knew she was going to do that," Alice grumbled. "Sorry about Rose. She can be a bit cold with people she doesn't know too well, especially girls, and especially _pretty_ girls."

I knitted my brows together with confusion. "But Rosalie's so -"

"Beautiful?" Alice finished. "I know, and she definitely knows that. But she still gets jealous. C'mon - I smell a mountain lion that's calling my name."

I raced after her, trying to process the fact that Rosalie had judged me beautiful enough to be jealous. Bizarre. I knew I wasn't ugly. I had the same kind of beauty that every other vampire did, not the kind of beauty that could compete with Rosalie. Maybe if I showed her a picture of what I looked like as a human she'd feel better.

I was surprised by Alice's speed. She was faster than I anticipated. Maybe it had something to do with her little legs. Either way, I was pushing myself to keep up.

"Right here!" Alice announced.

I skidded to a halt on the damp, mossy ground, catching myself on a nearby evergreen tree. Alice had already wrangled a mountain lion, who she'd expertly caught in a headlock. I couldn't help but to laugh a bit at the sight of it. There was something hilarious about seeing Alice, who couldn't even be five feet tall, having a ferocious looking mountain lion subdued so easily.

Easily, she snapped the mountain lion's neck, and sank her teeth in its neck.

I don't know why seeing her do that bothered me. I'd done the same - I'd done _worse_ \- to more people than I could possibly keep count of. I had no emotion when it came to doing it to humans, but something about animals bothered me.

I supposed it was because animals were innocent. Animals didn't have a concept of good and evil, let alone enough of a developed consciousness to act on either. People did, and they tended to act on the latter. No person above a certain age was innocent. Everyone had done a few things for evil, and I always was able to know because of what I'd absorbed for Aro. I justified my feeding off of humans based on that fact, the fact that there was now true innocent human, as well as the fact that vampires were built specifically to feed off of humans.

"Try some," Alice instructed, holding the mountain lion's neck out to me. She was smiling, her eyes already golden from the blood she'd ingested. "This one's pretty good."

I took a deep breath, but I did. I sank my teeth into the creature's neck. I wasn't used to all the fur getting in the way.

I took one sip and knew I didn't like it. It just didn't taste good. I couldn't put it in any simpler terms than that. It just wasn't good.

"You don't like it," Alice half-laughed, inspecting my expression. "I mean, I could see you wouldn't like it, but it's written all over your face."

"Elisabeth always says that," I said with a small smile of my own.

It just hit me how much I missed my adopted family. I'd been away for them from a day and I already missed Nevaeh's little one-toothed smile, Elisabeth's constant fussing over me, Jesse's laughter, Samuel's hugs and Anna's slightly annoying fashion advice.

"Do you want to try and get your own?" Alice asked. She paused, but before I could answer, she said, "You don't."

"I don't," I verified. "But I'm willing to try."

I was only willing to try because I remembered what I was doing for my family. Staying here was keeping us all safe. And I wasn't going to mess that up.

Alice beamed. "Let's do it. I'll follow you."

I started off, trying to track a scent. I wasn't as familiar with animal scents, so it wasn't as easy for me as it was when it came to finding a human. Luckily, Alice tipped me off when she smelled a bear. I turned to see where she was pointing, and indeed I saw a big old grizzly bear.

It was cute, in a way. I saw the cuteness in his thick fur and big eyes, but I knew I wasn't there to gawk at the big teddy bear. I was there to kill and to drink. I didn't want to. But I knew the faster my eyes changed, the better. And the faster I got used to human blood, the better.

I launched myself at the bear. It fought back more than humans did, unsurprisingly, as it was significantly stronger than humans were. Still, it wasn't any match for my strength. Once I got the creature under control, it was a breeze to break the neck and sink my teeth in.

Just like the mountain lion, I found the taste of bear disgusting. I guess it was a bit better than the mountain lion - there was more fat, but it still wasn't a taste I would choose if I wasn't in this situation. But I drank all of the blood the animal had to give, because I was thinking about my family. The better I kept cover here, the safer everyone would be. At least that's what I'd been told.

"Going straight for a bear?" came a new, male voice. "I like this girl already."

Rather carelessly, I wiped the blood and bits of fur from my face with the back of my hand, which I then wiped against my jeans. It didn't matter. I had a lot of experience when it came to washing out blood from clothes.

I saw that three others had joined Alice. Rosalie, of course, I recognized, but the other two I didn't. I assumed they were Emmett and Jasper. The one who'd spoke sort of reminded me of Jesse, from the joke and based on his playful, sort of boyish smile. As far as looks went, that's where the similarities ended, because he was huge - tall and well muscled, while Jesse was shorter, having that small-but-feisty thing about him. The other one was tall too, leaner though, and with honey blonde hair as opposed to the other's dark curls.

"Lindsay, this is Emmett," Alice introduced, gesturing to the bigger one who had a casual arm around Rosalie's waist. "And Jasper." She meant the blonde.

"Nice to meet you," Emmett grinned. "After everything I've heard, it's nice to put a face to your name."

"Good or bad things?" I asked.

"Good," Emmett assured me. With a playful shrug, he said, "Maybe a few bad things, but it evens out."

I grinned. Emmett was quickly securing himself a place as my second favorite Cullen behind Alice. I had to wonder how he put up with Rosalie, though, since evidently they were together.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Lindsay," Jasper then said.

I'd sort of forgotten he was there. But now that I remembered, I noticed he was looking at me in a sort of weird way. Not like Samuel had before he changed me, not like a vampire ready to strike, but still….odd.

"Yeah, same," I nodded.

"Your eyes are already less red," Alice said with a smile. "They're a coppery kind of color….I haven't seen it before."

"Good," I said. "Better than red, right?"

"Right," Alice grinned.

"Is everyone ready to go, now that we've all had our introductions?" Rosalie inquired. She wasn't thirsty anymore, but she seemed just as full of disdain.

"Yeah," Emmett answered for the group. "How about we race back? Your little red thing versus my Jeep."

As I saw the grin come over Rosalie's face, I started to see how the two could balance each other out.

"My little red thing will win," she assured him with a smirk.

"Not if I get a head start!" Emmett bellowed, sprinting off in the blink of an eye. "C'mon, Jasper!"

I bounded off behind Rosalie and Alice, leaping into the backseat of her BMW. Emmett and Jasper quickly sped by in a Jeep fitted for offroading, going faster than Rosalie had earlier, which I'd thought was pretty damn fast. Rosalie stepped on the gas, and we were off, and I had to say that I was a bit nervous. I wasn't used to driving in cars - there wasn't a need to have a car in New York. I certainly wasn't used to going over a hundred on the rain slicked back roads of Washington.

I was relieved when we landed back in the Cullens' driveway, even though Rosalie was playfully disappointed in having lost to Emmett.

"I win," Emmett teased, taking Rosalie up in his arms to smack a kiss atop her very blonde head.

"I'll get you next time," Rosalie winked. "You'll see."


	6. chapter six - connections

Hello again! I'm so happy to see the number of readers going up on this. I was sort of worried that people wouldn't like it, since it's different than the average _Twilight_ fanfic. I get that it's darker, but...that's the sort of writing I enjoy doing. Again, I want to send a huge thank you to everyone who's taken the time to read, fav or follow, and especially to those of you who took the time to review. I really appreciate it and look forward to hearing from you more and more as I post!

Thank you, and enjoy the new chapter!

* * *

 **chapter six - connections**

 _I opened my eyes. Immediately, I knew something was wrong. I was supposed to be dead. I was pretty sure that the pills and slits to the wrist would've done the job. Had one of the maids stumbled in and found me on some odd chance? Had I been wrong in my belief that there was no afterlife? Had that strangely cold man_ saved _me?_

" _She's awake," said a feminine voice._

 _It was a voice I didn't recognize, but it was clear and high, like bells. I detected a trace of an accent too, but I couldn't pinpoint what kind of accent it was. Whoever it was, she was excited, but attempting to keep it a bit restrained._

" _Lindsay," said a male voice. Again, it was unfamiliar, but low, a baritone voice. Strangely comforting. The voice my father should've had. "You can hear us, right?"_

" _Yes," I said._

 _My voice sounded different somehow. Maybe it had something to due with the fact that my throat was burning. Burning worse than it ever had before in my life, and I'd drank some pretty shitty alcohol._

" _Can you sit up?"_

 _I obliged. I sat up, blinking. I was in another very nice living room, but not one that I'd ever been in or even seen before. But everything was…..different. Everything looked sharper, clearer, brighter. I noticed things I could never notice before - the fruit fly dancing in the flowers in the window, the dust filtering through the light, one of the flowers in the pot in the corner actually starting to bloom. I heard things, too. I could hear_ everything _going on around me in New York City, or so it seemed._

 _I was weirdly hyper aware of every little detail, even through the searing pain I felt in my throat._

" _Where am I?" I asked. "Who are you?"_

 _Of course, I knew who the man was upon looking at him. Well, I recognized him, at least. He was the perfectly sculpted, black porcelain skinned man who had been there when I tried to kill myself. I didn't know the woman, but she was just as beautiful. She could've been a model, easy. She had bright red hair that fell over her shoulders in soft waves, with high cheekbones and full lips, and she was looking at me in a way I wished my mother had._

" _My name is Samuel Hawley," he informed me. "And this is my wife, Elisabeth."_

" _It's a pleasure to meet you," the woman said, with a kind smile. She came towards me, taking my hands in hers. "I'm sure that you're scared now, but -"_

 _As soon as she touched me, the burning sensation from my throat exploded through my entire body. I couldn't help but to scream, as I crumpled on the floor, wishing I was dead. Every nerve in me was blazing and it seemed like my brain was trying to bust its way out of my skull._

" _Samuel, what's wrong with her?!" Elisabeth screeched, clearly panicked as she backed away from me._

" _I have no clue," Samuel responded. He, too, was worried, but he was better at keeping his cool._

 _He knelt down before me, just as I was recovering from whatever had knocked the piss out of me. His eyes examined my face, and I noticed they were no longer crimson as I remembered them being. Instead, they were a strange, diluted red, caught somewhere between maroon and gold._

 _He offered me a hand to help me stand up, but as soon as I took it, everything erupted in pain again. Once more, I was left on the floor of the strange living room, writing and screaming in pain and wishing I was dead or that I had any clue what was happening to me._

" _Don't touch her again," Samuel said. "Let her recover."_

 _Neither touched me as I gathered myself enough to sit up. Once I did, Samuel reached a hand towards me again._

" _Please don't," I begged._

" _I've got to see," he said in an apologetic way._

 _I braced myself, squeezing my eyes shut. I felt his hand on mine. No pain. Nothing. I opened my eyes to stare at him._

" _What the hell was all that about?" I asked. My eyes flickered between the two of them, waiting for an explanation._

" _I don't know," Samuel said, looking me over. "I've never seen anything like it."_

" _Where am I?" I asked again. I knew better than to try and get an answer about the nearly fatal pain I felt. "What happened to me? Who are you?"_

" _As I said, we're Samuel and Elisabeth Hawley," he repeated. "You're in our home, in Manhattan. What happened to you, however, is not as easy to explain."_

" _Try me," I retorted. My life hadn't been easy to explain anyways. I'm sure I could handle it._

" _I think, perhaps, you should take a look in a mirror first," Elisabeth suggested. "It might make it easier."_

 _She gestured to her left, where a full-length mirror hung on the wall. I stared at my reflection in disbelief, slowly making my way closer to look at myself better._

 _The thing was, I didn't look like myself._

 _Well, okay, I looked like myself, but I looked like a different version of myself. I looked like someone at_ Vogue _had spent hours and hours editing a photo of me to make me look perfect._

 _My skin was porcelain, nearly as white as marble, and the acne that had troubled my chin and forehead was gone. I still had freckles across my nose, but they were softer now, like they'd been put on my face with slightly translucent paint. My lips were fuller, my cheeks a bit more pronounced, my brows straighter and significantly better manicured. My hair was still chocolate brown, shoulder length, and slightly messy, though it was now messy in the way that supermodel's hair was messy in a lingerie ad. I had lashes I never had - full, thick, dark lashes._

 _And then there were my eyes. No longer blue. But bright, intense crimson._

 _What the fuck happened to me?_

" _Lindsay," came Samuel's voice, interrupting my inspection of myself. I didn't ask how he knew my name yet. I didn't want to know. "I know this is going to sound insane to you, but it's the truth - you're a vampire."_

"How's Washington treating you so far?" Samuel asked.

We were video chatting, something I'd never done before. Edward had kindly set up a laptop and webcam in my bedroom so I could video call Samuel and Jesse back in New York. I would've called Elisabeth and Nevaeh too, but it was past her bedtime.

"It's fine," I answered. "I miss New York and I miss you guys."

"We miss you too," Jesse said. "It's boring without you and all your rule breaking."

I chuckled. "Well, you're not missing much. I have yet to break a rule out here."

"Really?" Samuel asked. He sounded hopeful, but raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Really," I nodded. "It's three days and I haven't fed off of a human."

"I could tell," Samuel said. "Your eyes are practically completely gold now."

"Yeah," I sighed.

"You don't like it?" Jesse asked.

"No," I said, scrunching up my nose. "Not the best taste, especially for someone used to feeding off of humans….but I'll get used to it, I guess."

"And you go to school tomorrow, right?" Samuel inquired.

"Don't remind me," I grumbled, dropping my face into a pillow. Changing the subject, I asked, "What's the news on the whole Bastien situation?"

"Not much," Samuel told me. "No sign of him yet in the city….but don't be angry that you're in Washington without him here. It's better to have you there and blending in rather than having to rush out when we catch sight or scent of him."

"I know," I said. "I'd still like to come home."

"Have the Cullens not treated you well?"

"No, it's not that," I said. "They've been great….Esme decorated a whole room for me, Alice has been the definition of friendly….they're all nice. It's just not…."

"Home?" Jesse supplied.

"Exactly."

"I can understand that," Samuel said. "It's been bizarre without you, Elisabeth and Nevaeh around."

Even through the screen, I could see Samuel really was bothered. He lived nearly two hundred years by himself before finding and falling in love with Elisabeth. He'd always described those years as dark and lonely. I hated to think he was feeling anywhere close to that again.

"I hope I can come home soon," I said.

"Us too, Linds," Jesse assured me. "Good luck at school."

"Call me when you get a chance," I reminded them.

"Will do," Samuel promised. "Love you."

"Love you too," I said.

The screen went black. Unsure of how to really use the laptop, I shut the lid. I'd have Edward fix it later if that wasn't the right thing to do. I also wished I could've talked to them longer. I knew it was better if I didn't. The more I talked, the more I'd miss them.

I decided it was best for me not to wallow in my misery alone in my room, especially if I had to gear up for a day in high school tomorrow. I threw on a pair of pajama pants and left my room, hopping downstairs as I followed the sound of Alice's voice. I found her, Jasper and Emmett in the living room, watching a movie on the big TV.

"Want to join us, Lindsay?" Alice asked cheerfully.

"I wouldn't recommend it," Emmett said before I had a chance to answer. "It's Jasper's turn to pick what we watch, which means we're watching _another_ Civil War thing."

"It's not that bad," Alice said. "Come over here and sit next to me."

She patted the couch beside her and scooted over to make more room for me. I plopped down to her right, keeping my arms crossed. I was always hyper aware of myself when I was around other vampires because of the whole absorption thing.

"So, can I ask a question that's probably sort of stupid?" Emmett asked.

"You just did," I grinned.

He laughed. "Good one."

"No, ask me whatever," I said more seriously.

"I just wanted to ask how your gift works," he said. "I know we can't touch you or whatever because of it….but why? How does it work?"

I sighed. I should've know that was coming. Alice probably did.

"Well, it's weird," I said, trying to think of how to explain it. "Whenever I touch another vampire, I 'absorb' their gift, or gain the ability to use it too."

"That sounds awesome," Emmett commented.

"Yeah, but it's not just that," I said. "Whenever I touch someone and absorb their gift, I absorb all their pain too. So I take the bad from a person too, not just the good. That's how Samuel believes it works, anyways. The pain only comes the first time I touch someone, but it's the worst thing I've ever felt….you know Jane, from the Volturi? How she can make you feel pain?"

Emmett, Jasper and Alice all nodded.

"It's like that," I said. "But more intense, most of the time. It depends on what a someone's been through in their life."

"Damn," Emmett exhaled.

"Yeah," I nodded. "And I can't even use the gifts I've absorbed that well. Half of the time when I want them to work, they don't, and the other half of the time they just fire at random, like when I sent Alice flying across the room the other night. I think my brain gets overloaded by all of them or something."

"Too bad it works like that," Emmett commented. "Or else you could be unstoppable."

"That's why I'm here," I said. "Bastien - the vampire coming after me - wants to use me as a pawn in his own stupid agenda."

"And Bastien -"

"Don't go there, Emmett," Alice warned.

She was probably right. I wasn't in the mood to go there right now.

"What about you guys?" I asked to change the subject. "What kinds of gifts do you guys have?"

"Super strength," Emmett said with a wink. He flashed his biceps playfully. They were impressive.

"I can detect others' emotions," Jasper said. His eyes flickered towards me as he added, "And influence them."

"Really?" I asked, brow raised. Curious, I then questioned, "What kind of a read do you get from me?"

Jasper smirked, emitting a stifled sort of chuckle I didn't understand. "You have a lot of baggage."

"You're good," I joked.

No reaction.

"So what's with the Civil War special?" I asked. I didn't want to be the one to leave things on an awkward note.

"Old Jasper here's a veteran," Emmett grinned, clapping a hand down on Jasper's shoulder. "He likes reliving the glory days."

I shouldn't have been all that surprised, but I was. I was always surprised to find out how old vampires were. The not aging thing was really deceitful. I always had a hard time picturing Samuel as a slave on a sugar plantation in Barbados in the mid 17th century, and now I was having a hard time picturing Jasper in the Civil War.

"I was the youngest major in Texas," Jasper said, a note of pride in his voice. It was the first time I detected the subtlest of southern drawls in the way he spoke.

"Wow," I remarked.

He nodded. Gesturing to the television screen, he said, "You know, they always mess something up in these. We _never_ had shoes like that back then."

I looked at the TV to try and spot the mistake as well, and in doing so I caught Alice grinning like she knew something the rest of us didn't. She looked way too happy to be watching a Civil War special.

"What're you smiling about, Alice?" I asked.

I wanted to give her a playful jab in the ribs, since I already felt that comfortable with her. But I knew the repercussions of doing that.

"Nothing," she said with a quick shake of her head. "Want to guess how old I am?"

"No clue," I said. "I've never been good at guessing games."

"I was born in 1901," she declared. "And turned when I was nineteen."

"You've aged well," I joked dryly. "I feel like such a baby now. You're old enough to be my grandma, at least."

Alice and Emmett both laughed.

"You must've been really young when you were turned, then, huh?" Emmett concluded.

"Sixteen," I said. "I'm doomed to an eternity as a teenager."

"You'll fit right in at Forks High," Emmett said. "It's like being sucked into the black hole of teenage-hood."

"It's not that bad," Alice assured me. "I think it's always kind of fun to see different schools in different eras."

"You can find a silver lining in anything, Alice," Emmett said.

"That's not a bad thing," I chimed in. "I wish I could absorb _that_ ability."

Once again, Alice and Emmett laughed while Jasper remained silent. I wondered if he was quiet because I wasn't funny. I knew deadpan humor wasn't everyone's cup of tea. But a bigger part of me wondered if he was quiet because he was picking up on my emotional state, which was always the same - a trainwreck. I could cover externally, but internally things were a whole different kind of beast.

Alice, Emmett and I continued with our small talk until the sun rose, its warm light coming through the many windows in the Cullens' house. I was feeling more at ease with Emmett and Alice, and was glad I was starting to make friends with some of the people I now had to live with.

Esme came in from the office, reminding us to get ready for school. I obeyed, though it was bizarre for me to hear. I never imagined I'd have to go back to school.

I dug through the suitcase in my room for clothes. Unlike every other vampire I'd come across, I liked to wear pajamas at night. Like my penchant for beds, I think it was another part of me wanting to hold onto the humanity I'd lost. I knew my flannel pants and oversized Misfits tee weren't exactly school appropriate, so I slipped into another outfit. It was a plain one, one Anna would definitely give me a hard time over. But it was what I wanted to wear - a simple pair of jeans, a plain black pocket t-shirt beneath my favorite denim jacket, mismatched socks and a pair of Doc Martens I'd cleaned blood off of more times than I could count.

I came downstairs to find everyone else ready to go. They'd done this plenty of times before, unlike me. Esme and Carlisle were waiting to see all of us "kids" off, with Carlisle ready to go to the hospital for a shift.

"That's what you're wearing?" Alice inquired as soon as she saw me.

"Don't play dress up with her," Edward grumbled, zipping his jacket. "We don't have time."

"She looks like she's ready to kick ass," Emmett commented, winking at me. "I like the look."

"Thanks," I grinned.

Rosalie jabbed him, prompting him to say, "But of course no one looks as beautiful as you, Rose."

He pecked her temple. But he wasn't lying - no one was as beautiful as Rosalie.

"Here's everyone's schedules," Esme said, handing envelopes out. She gave me a black book bag, and said, "A backpack for you, Lindsay, with supplies."

"Thank you," I said. Looking between her and Carlisle, I said, "Really, thank you for taking me in. I appreciate it."

"It's not a problem," Carlisle assured me. "Samuel and Elisabeth are good friends of ours. A member of their family is a member of ours too."

"We're happy to have you," Esme said with a smile. She started to reach for my shoulder but quickly pulled back. "Have a good day, everyone."

Goodbyes were bid, and then those of us masquerading as high school students made our way to the garage, where we split up. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper took Emmett's Jeep, while Edward, Alice and I climbed into Edward's Volvo. Edward made Alice get in the back so I could have the front seat, with some joke about how she was technically too small to be in the front anyways.

We followed Emmett out of the driveway, and Edward flicked on the radio, playing some old fashioned piano music that made me feel like I was in an elevator at a hotel.

"Sorry," Edward said. He turned the CD off, turning on the local radio station.

"Was it my face or my thoughts that gave it away?" I asked.

He chuckled, surprisingly. I hadn't pegged him as the kind of guy to chuckle.

"Both, actually," he said. "I could hear your thoughts, but I didn't need to - it was written all over your face."

I sighed. "I should work on that."

"No, don't!" Alice piped up from the back.

"Some people like it," Edward commented, somewhat cryptically.

I didn't have time to ask what he meant, because before I knew it we were parked in front of Forks High School. At the speed Edward drove, it really hadn't taken long.

"Any last minute tips, guys?" I asked.

"No, you're going to be fine," Alice said. "I can see that. And you have most of your classes with Edward, who has the best control over himself, besides Carlisle, probably, so he'll keep you in line."

"I will," Edward said, being more serious than he had before. "So keep that in mind - if I need to grab you, I will."

I nodded. "Understood."

I took a deep breath and exited the car with the two Cullens, walking to catch up with the other three on the way in. I wasn't too concerned. I didn't smell any blood that smelled particularly good, and my stomach was chock full of grizzly bear blood. I had cultivated enough control to keep myself from killing Nevaeh over the years. If things went wrong, I'd just have to think of every one of the kids as someone else's Nevaeh.

"Ready, Linds?" Emmett asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I groaned.


	7. chapter seven - new

Hey guys! I just got my first day of classes over, thank goodness. I think this year is gonna be a good one!

Anyways, I'm back with another chapter for you. I was really happy to see all of the new readers this fic has gained. Again, I have to thank all of you, because I really do appreciate it. You'll probably get tired of me thanking you, but I feel it's the least I can do. I was so excited to get some more reviews, too! I think I got back to anyone who had a question...but if you have one you didn't ask, don't be afraid! You can leave a review about anything, though. I love hearing from you guys.

Okay, I'll shut up and give you a new chapter now.

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 **chapter seven - new**

" _You're gonna be fine, Lindsay," Jesse assured me. "You're not going to hurt her."_

 _I glared at him. Not because I was angry, but because I was so damn nervous._

" _You don't know that," I said._

" _I don't_ know _that, you're right," Jesse said. "But I know you enough to know that you wouldn't harm an innocent baby."_

 _I kept my eyes set out the window. It was a warm summer evening in the city. Lots of families were taking advantage of the weather, spending time together in Central Park. Soon enough, there'd be another addition to our special sort of family._

" _You don't know who I've killed."_

" _Lindsay!" Jesse exclaimed incredulously. "I know you haven't killed any kids or any babies. You might feed off of humans, but you have some standards when it comes to picking your meal."_

 _I turned back to him. His eyes were liquid gold. Unlike me, Jesse had been a vegetarian since day one, by choice. Samuel struggled with refraining from humans, but Jesse took to it with ease. He took trips up to High Peaks every couple of weeks (or to Kisatchie when we were in New Orleans) to hunt wildlife and he never strayed from his diet. The only time he'd ever bitten a human was when he bit Anna, and somehow he managed to keep himself from drinking her blood. He'd only bit her to change her._

 _Without having tasted human blood, Jesse didn't have the temptation. I did. I had it bad. I fed twice a week or so, on humans. So the idea of bringing a human baby to live in a house with me was asking for trouble._

" _The Volturi wouldn't have allowed Elisabeth and Samuel to adopt a baby if they didn't think we all were in control enough," Jesse continued._

 _I rolled my eyes. "No, they allowed Elisabeth to adopt a baby because they thought it would be easier to get me to join them if she had a replacement for me."_

" _Lindsay…."_

" _It's true," I said. "I know it is. No need to be polite about it."_

 _Jesse didn't say anything, because he knew I was right. He knew the Volturi, specifically Aro, had been doing their best to recruit me into their ranks ever since that first meeting in New Orleans. They also knew that I was incredibly bonded with Samuel and Elisabeth, who had taken me in as an adopted daughter. They had thought of me as their own since day one. They treated me like their own, especially Elisabeth. She'd always wanted a daughter of her own to dote on, and Anna was older and more adult than I was, being turned at sixteen. So I had become the dream daughter Elisabeth and Samuel had always wanted._

 _The Volturi were well aware of this. They knew they wouldn't be able to separate us so easily, and they also knew that simply killing Elisabeth and Samuel wasn't going to work either. That's why they finally gave Elisabeth the okay to adopt a human baby like she'd been trying to do for centuries. They hoped that by giving her a baby like she'd craved, she'd be able to let me go. Of course, there was a stipulation - the baby had to be turned as soon as they turned eighteen years old._

" _No one could ever replace you," Jesse told me, taking me up in a brotherly one-armed hug. "Whoever this baby turns out to be, they're not going to be as stubborn, rebellious, sarcastically hilarious, or weird as you."_

 _I laughed. A big, hearty laugh, like I hadn't done in years. Jesse was probably the only person I'd ever met who got me to laugh like that._

" _Thanks, Jess," I said. I hugged him harder. Lovingly, of course, but harder._

" _And the Volturi aren't going to get you away from us as easy as they think," Jesse continued. "We don't want you as part of the family because you're the 'baby' or whatever - it's because you're_ you."

 _I wished I could cry. I'd be bawling my eyes out if I could. I was full of all kinds of love for Jesse and for my family. My adoptive family, but my family nonetheless. Jesse, Anna, Elisabeth and Samuel were truly my family. They were the first people to treat me as such. They made me feel loved and accepted, something my real biological family had never bothered to do._

 _A knock came at the door, soon followed by Anna's voice._

" _Is everything okay?" she asked. "Is Lindsay ready?"_

 _Jesse looked to me. I nodded._

" _I'm ready!" I shouted back._

 _Anna opened the door, soon followed by Samuel and Elisabeth. The three of them all looked happier than I'd seen them look in a while. They were so happy that at first I missed the baby carriage that Elisabeth pushed into the apartment. But once she did, I was taken by it._

 _I could smell the baby in there. Brand new baby smell, one I'd never come across before, even as a human. New human blood. Tiny heart beats, little breaths._

 _Jesse peeked into the carriage before I did, and I could tell he was immediately enamored with the baby. Elisabeth lifted the little bundle of blankets out of the carriage, carefully handing her to Jesse._

" _She's beautiful," he said, stroking the baby's forehead._

" _I know," Elisabeth said._

" _What'd you decide to name her?" Jesse asked._

" _Nevaeh Grace," Anna said. "My suggestion. Elisabeth and Samuel were happy to have the baby, so they didn't care what she was called."_

" _Well, she's absolutely beautiful," Jesse grinned._

" _I know," Elisabeth nodded, leaning into Samuel. I knew that if she had been able to cry, she would've been crying the happiest damn tears anyone could've cried. "She's perfect."_

 _Turning to me, Elisabeth asked, "Do you want to hold her, Lindsay?"_

 _My eyes widened. "You trust me enough to hold her?"_

 _Both Elisabeth and Samuel nodded._

" _We trust you," Samuel said with the utmost confidence. "And if you were going to do anything, it would already be done by now."_

 _I took a breath. "Okay."_

 _I felt nerves bubble up inside of me as Jesse approached me with little Nevaeh in his arms. She was wrapped in soft cream and pink blankets that Elisabeth had crocheted herself as soon as she found out the baby was going to be a girl. She was dressed in the outfit Elisabeth had bought specifically to bring her home in - a pink floral onesie with lace around the collar, and a tiny hat to match, a hat which her curls were escaping out the sides of. She was a beautiful baby, with a skin color caught somewhere between Elisabeth's and Samuel's, very similar to Jesse's. If Elisabeth and Samuel had been able to have their own child and it had been a girl, this would be what I would expect her to look like._

 _Carefully, Jesse transferred her to my arms. She was warm from being all wrapped up. She stirred ever so slightly with the movement. I looked down into her tiny face. This was the first time I'd ever held a baby. I hadn't held one before I was a vampire either._

 _She yawned, revealing her toothless little mouth. She opened her eyes, which were clear blue, much like Elisabeth and I's had once been. And as soon as she opened her eyes, I was in love with the little girl._

 _I knew, as much of a monster as I had become, I could never do anything but love her._

High school in Forks turned out to be even more boring than I recalled it being in New York. Maybe part of it was due to the fact that I was in Forks. All of the kids looked the same to me, blurring together to one plain-faced teenager. They all dressed the same, too.

Like the rest of the Cullens, I stuck out like a sore thumb despite my best attempts. Everyone stared at us, which was understandable. Humans could sense that we were different, despite not exactly knowing how we were different. Also, I was the newest adopted Cullen, which made me an object of even more interest and the subject of even more whispers. It was weird, hearing people refer to me as "Lindsay Cullen." It'd been weird when I'd taken on Samuel's surname, Hawley. Even with everything that had changed in my life, I still tended to think of myself as Lindsay Ebbers.

Throughout the morning, Edward, who I had most classes with due to us both being 'juniors,' kept reminding me to make it look like I was breathing or to switch positions every once and awhile so I didn't look so stoic. He was getting on my nerves with all the reminders. I knew he was trying to be helpful, but it still got a bit annoying. Then again, it wasn't as annoying as him reading my thoughts and responding to them.

I didn't notice he was listening to my thoughts at first, until we were in American History, in second period.

"You'll see Alice in gym," he muttered. We were supposed to be reading the syllabus.

"What?" I asked.

"Sorry," he replied. "You were wondering when you were going to see Alice again. We'll meet up with her again during gym."

"Oh," I said. "I forget you can -"

"I know," he smiled slightly. "You'll get used to it soon enough."

We went on to English with the balding Mr. Mason, who was very enthusiastic to tell us about all of the Shakespeare we'd be reading. After English, it was off to Gym with Coach Clapp and Alice, who was as happy to see me as I was to see her. Well, she was happier to see me. I'd admit that.

"How's day one been?" she inquired, bouncing over to Edward and I as we entered the gym.

"Honestly?" I asked. "Boring."

Alice laughed. "I figured you'd say that….has she been good, Edward?"

"Perfect," he nodded. "No dangerous thoughts whatsoever."

"See, I told you," Alice teased.

Like the rest of the kids, we took seats Indian-style on the wooden floor to listen to Coach Clapp go over the rules for the year. You must bring change into your gym uniform for class, no heavy perfumes or body sprays in the locker rooms, and no boys in the girls' locker room. He then had girls line up on one side and boys on the other, as he handed out gym uniforms.

"Another Cullen, huh?" he remarked when it came to my turn. Based on his scent, I could tell he didn't have the best diet. I didn't really need to smell him to figure that out, though. He didn't exactly have a gym teacher's physique. "What size do you take?"

"Medium," I answered. I tried not to react too much when I heard myself referred to as a Cullen. It was still weird.

"There you go," he said, handing me a uniform in a Ziploc plastic bag. "Next!"

Alice stepped up after me.

"Extra small, right, Alice?" he asked, fishing for the correct size in his cardboard box.

"Yes please," Alice answered. "Thank you!"

With our uniforms now stuffed into our backpacks, we were free to leave the gym and head off to lunch. I could only imagine what gym class was going to be like - playing sports at turtle speed with one one hundredth of my actual strength to keep appearances. That was going to be the most painful part of this whole thing.

Edward laughed, prompting me to ask, "You're reading my thoughts again, aren't you?"

"Yes," he confirmed. "And you're hilariously accurate. Also, you've become the newest object of all the teen boys' fantasies around here."

I looked around and caught a dozen or so of them staring at me as I walked down the hall between Edward and Alice. As soon as they saw me looking back, they ducked their heads or desperately attempted to redirect their gaze. One of the even walked into an open locker.

"Damn," I giggled. "There's a lot of hormones raging around here, aren't there?"

Alice and Edward exchanged a glance. I couldn't read it at all, but I knew I didn't like it.

"What's that all about?" I asked. "That little exchange there?"

"Nothing," Edward said quickly.

The smirk disappeared from his face. Though I wanted to ask more and get an answer, I didn't. I knew better. I knew it was going to be a waste of time.

The three of us entered the cafeteria along with the rest of the school. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper all caught up to us, and we joined the queue of kids waiting to fill their lunch trays.

"How's your day been, Linds?" Emmett asked, attempting to fill the silence emanating from the other two. I liked that he'd taken to calling me Linds. It made things feel more comfortable, more familiar.

"Pretty uneventful, if I'm being honest," I answered. The lunch lady scooped tater tots onto my tray, eyeing me with some apprehension. "Thank you."

She didn't reply. I followed Alice down where we got our drinks. I opted for a bottle of water, the least offensive choice, at least when it came to smells.

"You can sit next to me," Alice said, as we came to a table in the corner by the window.

Emmett took the seat on my other side, filling the gap between Rosalie and I. Edward and Jasper filled in the other seats.

"Everyone's staring at you," Rosalie said with some disdain.

It was true, they were. I imagined there wasn't a lot of excitement here in Forks, and the new girl - the new Cullen - was as exciting as things were going to get for a while.

Edward and Alice exchanged glances again. I rolled my eyes.

"Do you two do this all the time?" I asked.

"Yeah," Emmett answered for me. "They do. It's what happens when Alice shows him her visions, especially when they sync up with what Edward can hear in people's thoughts."

"That's annoying," I said.

"You're telling me."

I noticed Jasper stabbing his salad like it had just insulted his mother. Edward absentmindedly ripped apart an apple.

"Do you guys actually eat this stuff?" I asked.

"Oh hell no," Emmett said, as if the suggested offended him. "Strictly for appearances only."

I frowned down at my cafeteria tray. I'd never had a cafeteria tray before. When I had gone to school, I'd gone to one of New York's finest private schools, Visser Academy. There wasn't a cafeteria there - there was a dining hall and a catering service.

I picked up a tater tot, holding it between my thumb and forefinger. It didn't smell bad, but it didn't smell like anything I wanted to eat. For some reason, though, I was intrigued. I hadn't had human food in twelve years. Could it be as bad as it smelled?

"You don't want to do that," Edward warned. "It's like eating dirt."

I ignored the warning and ate the tater tot. Edward was right, of course. It was exactly like eating dirt. Tasteless with a weird texture. As disgusted as I was, the others laughed at my expensive. Even Jasper. Okay, not Rosalie. She wasn't amused. But I had a feeling she wouldn't be amused by anything I did except if I left.

"I'm starting to like this girl," Emmett chuckled. Looking to me, he said, "You're kind of a weirdo, aren't you?"

I laughed. "You could say that again."

Lunch ended, and like the rest of the Cullens, I dumped the food in the trash before returning the tray. Unlike the rest of the Cullens, I'd gone through and tried everything on my plate. None of it was good.

My first school day ended after Biology (dreadful) and Spanish (slightly better, as Emmett joined us). After that, I was free to leave and climbed back into the front seat of the Volvo for the drive back to the Cullens'. I was glad the day was over. I hated the realization that this was going to be my day in, day out routine for an indefinite amount of time. I was used to doing whatever the hell I wanted with my time, and high school was, well, almost the complete antithesis of that.

Once we were back at the Cullens', Rosalie and Emmett went to get ready for their little date night. Esme and Carlisle weren't home, with Esme off at a renovation job she'd taken near Port Angeles and Carlisle still at the hospital. Edward retreated to the piano, where Alice informed me he'd likely stay for hours. She went off into the office to work on some of the family's investments. She told me she played the stock market for them, since she always knew how to invest.

I took a seat at the dining room table, which obviously wasn't used much. I decided to work on the bit of homework I'd gotten. I figured I'd get it out of the way.

"Mind if I join you?" asked Jasper, approaching the table with a book in hand.

"No," I answered, pulling my backpack closer to me.

There was a pause as he settled into his seat and I started reading the first chapter of my history book.

"I'm sorry if I've come across as cold or less than friendly," Jasper said.

"You haven't," I said.

I mean, sure, he was less friendly than Alice and Emmett, but he wasn't anywhere near as bad as Rosalie. I chalked it up to differences in personality.

"I feel I have," he replied. "It's just, with my gift, it's sort of….hard to be around you. No offense."

"None taken," I said. I couldn't say it surprised me.

"You have a lot going on with your emotions," he said. I felt his golden eyes examining my face.

"Trust me, I know," I said. My eyes dropped down to the book in front of me.

"You've been through a lot," he continued.

I felt my body tense up. "Yes."

"I'm sorry," Jasper said. "I can tell I'm upsetting you."

"It's okay," I assured him.

Just as I'd felt my body tense up, I felt it suddenly begin to relax, as well as my thoughts.

"You're doing that," I said, remembering the other part of his gift.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I thought -"

"It's fine," I repeated. Gathering my things, I said, "I'm just gonna go to my room."

He didn't try to stop me. Part of me wished he had.


	8. chapter eight - same scars

Another day, another chapter. I write chapters in advance of when I post them, and I have to say that chapter ten is my favorite so far. Not much longer until you guys get to read that! I think a lot of you will enjoy it too. But, as I'm writing chapter twelve, I'm a little stuck...not saying I'm going to stop the fic, just letting you guys in on the process.

Thanks again for everything - favs, follows, reviews, everything. It really does mean a lot. I love hearing from you guys in reviews, so please don't be afraid to leave one or two. I try and answer all the questions I get. You could even leave something telling me I sucked and I'd probably still like it, haha.

Okay, enough from me. Enjoy!

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 **chapter eight - same scars**

 _In the five years since I'd turned, the club scene in the city had changed drastically. The cops cracked down more. Drugs weren't out in the open, they were done in closed bathroom stalls. Kids weren't welcome like they used to be. Everyone was strict with checking IDs, which they weren't at all strict about before I was turned. The costumes and outfits weren't nearly as interesting. People didn't have the creativity they did once, or so it seemed._

 _I still loved going out, despite how much had changed. I didn't do as much partying when I was out now, probably because the drinks and the drugs had no effect whatsoever on my new vampire system. I'd become more withdrawn, preferring to sit by the bar and observe others instead of being in the thick of things as I had when I was still human._

 _Part of why I still went out to the clubs was because it was one of the few places where I could blend in with humans. My red eyes were a dangerous giveaway in most public spaces, but in a nightclub they could easily be passed off as colored contacts, or not as easily noticed with all of the colored or dim lights. Another part of why I still went out was for memories' sake, to cling to something I loved as a human._

 _And lastly, it was an easy way to find a meal._

 _Clubs in the city were always packed. Shoulder to shoulder human traffic. There were always at least a dozen humans with blood that smelled amazing to me, and it was beyond easy to get one of them alone with my vampiric good looks and the influence of drugs or alcohol that was often present. I was used to finding an easy kill in the clubs. Something I wasn't use to finding was other vampires._

 _It would've been a dead lie for me to say that there were no other vampires in the city, because New York City was overflowing with vampires. They had their own underground community in the city, easily able to find refuge in the enormous groups of people. They tended to stick to that underground community and not go out and about and mingle much like I did. So naturally, I was a bit shocked to catch the scent of a vampire from my place at the bar._

 _This other vampire found me before I found him. I could tell that he was a vampire almost immediately - he was far too handsome to be human, and his eyes were as red as mine. He was on the taller side and well-built, with broad shoulders and strong looking hands. He had chestnut hair was styled to look messy in a fashionable sense. His features were sharp and attractive, his nose just slightly crooked in a sort of endearing way, with lips that made me tempted to kiss him._

 _Oh shit._

" _I didn't expect to meet another one of my kind here," he said, flashing me a half smile as he slid into the bar stool beside me. He had an accent, something European. Similar to Elisabeth's Dutch accent, but not quite the same. "Especially one as beautiful as you."_

 _I gave him a slight smile, stirring my cocktail a bit as I diverted my eyes from him. If I had the capability to blush, I would've been red as a tomato. I didn't say anything back to him though, because I was still skeptical of him. Good looking men didn't just approach me and tell me I was beautiful. Even though I was better looking as a vampire, I still wasn't the sort of person who was approached by beautiful strangers._

" _It's a pleasure to meet you," he continued, despite my attempt to look disinterested. "My name is Bastien Schultze. It would be an honor to know yours."_

 _I flicked my eyes towards him. He had extended a hand to shake._

" _Lindsay," I said. "I don't shake hands."_

 _He retracted his hand. He seemed amused rather than offended._

" _Is there a reason?" he asked._

" _There's a long story," I said._

" _I have time," he replied. "An eternity, to be exact."_

 _I chuckled at the lame humor. It was my style. It made me even more attracted to him that I'd been before. There was just something about Bastien that drew me to him, a magnetic sort of attraction that I'd never experienced before._

" _I'd rather not get into it," I said. Changing the subject, I asked, "Where are you from? Based on the accent, I'm guessing it's not the Bronx."_

" _Germany," he informed me. "I was born in Mainz, but relocated to Berlin."_

" _And how long ago were you born?" I inquired. I was always intrigued to find out, as you could never tell how old a vampire truly was._

 _Bastien smirked. "Quite a long time ago. You?"_

" _I'm still young," I answered. "I was only turned six years ago."_

" _I could be your great, great, great grandfather or so," he said with a small smile._

" _In vampire years, that hardly means a damn thing," I said._

" _So it's not a turn off?" he inquired, brow raised._

 _I paused. "No."_

" _Good," he grinned. "Because I couldn't imagine walking away from you."_

September blurred into October, though the leaves didn't change in Forks like they did in New York. I came to become more comfortable around the Cullens. Alice and I got along quite well. I couldn't imagine that anyone couldn't get along with her, given her constant optimism and infectious smile. Emmett and I had a good rapport and Edward and I had developed a sort of quiet camaraderie, being together during the school days and bonding through the piano lessons he'd started given me. Rosalie had warmed up to me a bit, despite having moments of jealousy every once and awhile. I grew more and more comfortable around Esme, who was so much like Elisabeth with her calming, motherly aura and warm smiles.

As much as I found the Cullens growing on me, they weren't my real family. I sensed they felt that family love towards each other, and as much as they might've liked me, I wasn't a part of that. Alice would have me believe that I was, or at least that I would be one day, but I wasn't buying it. Maybe I didn't want to be, because I missed my own family so badly. I called Samuel, Jesse and Anna nearly everyday, and did my best to have the same amount of contact with Elisabeth and Nevaeh, though it was harder with them, because of Nevaeh's school schedule and the time difference.

School still was boring as ever. I expected certain subjects to be hard, like they had been when I was alive and going to school. However, my brain had become enhanced along with the rest of my body after I'd been changed, and I found myself whizzing through my assignments with ease. If anything, it made things more boring, not being challenged.

Something that had changed was my driving. Before coming to Forks, I'd never driven a car. There wasn't a need to before. When I was human, I took a cab or was driven around by my parents' staff when I was even younger. After I was turned, I ran everywhere, finding it faster and easier. The Cullens were amused by my lack of driving skills, and quickly sought to change that. Alice gave me the keys to her Porsche for my first driving lesson, which I thought was a bad idea.

"You're going to be _fine_ ," Alice assured me. "Do you really think I'd let you drive my car if I saw you crashing it or something?"

"I guess not," I said. I was gripping the wheel so tightly I was afraid it was going to shatter. "I still don't wanna take the risk."

But Alice made me take the risk, and we only lapped around the Cullen's road three times before I gave up. Alice said she'd seen that coming - of course - and allowed me to exit the lesson with the promise I'd try again tomorrow.

"You up for a hunt, Linds?" Emmett inquired. He came into the garage just after Alice and I parked, trailed by Jasper.

"Sure," I agreed.

"Hop in," Emmett said, unlocking the Jeep.

"Ladies take shotgun," Jasper said, gesturing for me to get in the front.

"I'm hardly a lady," I deadpanned unconsciously.

Emmett laughed. Jasper merely looked amused. I wondered if he still was able to pick apart my emotions. If so, it explained why he kept a bit of a distance compared to the others. And I probably owed him some sort of apology.

"I disagree," Jasper replied with a sort of smile.

"Yeah, well, thanks," I said.

With that, I hopped in the front alongside Emmett, while Jasper slipped into the backseat. Alice waved us off, and we were on our way to one of the hunting spots a few miles off from the house.

"You know, I haven't asked," Emmett said, glancing at me from the corner of my eye. "I didn't want to offend you before, but I figured we're cool enough now for me to ask….what's with all the scars on your neck and arms? Those are a hell of a lot of vampire bites to have."

I lifted my fingers to my neck, tracing the myriad of scars Bastien had left there, like the ones on my arms. Usually if my hair was down and I had long sleeves on, they were pretty well covered. But I wore my hair up with t-shirts every once and awhile. Like today. So they were in plain view.

"Bastien," I said. "You know, the vampire you're protecting me from? He did it."

"Why?" Emmett asked. "Was he trying to decapitate you and chew your arms off?"

I stifled a chuckle, somehow. "No. It was his way of marking his territory….some of them, anyway. Some of the are from the fight he put up when I tried to leave."

"Damn," Emmett whistled. "Are you ever gonna tell us the whole story with this Bastien guy? Sounds like a badass story."

"That's one way to put it," I said.

"You're making her tense up," Jasper said from the back seat.

"It's okay," I said. "I don't talk about what I went through with Bastien a lot. It still gets to me."

"Well, are you gonna talk to us about it?" Emmett asked. "I'll figure out how to get it out of you sooner or later."

"I haven't even told my parents the whole story," I said. "But to give you the gist of things, Bastien wasn't who I thought he was. He made me think he loved me, but really I was just a pawn in his stupid game. He wanted me for my gift, to use as his secret weapon in the little vampire army he's creating. I realized what he was, and he fought tooth and nail - literally - to keep me from leaving."

Emmett didn't say anything. I could see he was thinking over the story I'd just told him. Surprisingly, it was Jasper who spoke up first.

"I can understand that," Jasper said. "I was created by a vampire who wanted to use me for her own agenda as well….I thought I was in love with her too, until I saw things clearly. And I met Alice."

"So you and Alice are….?" I asked. Unlike the endless display of romance between Emmett and Rosalie, I hadn't seen any indication of that between Alice and Jasper.

Both Emmett and Jasper chuckled at the suggestion.

"No," he clarified. "I love her, but not like that. Alice was the one who showed me there was another way, and that love doesn't involve manipulation. I'll always be grateful to her for that, but as far as romance goes, it isn't meant to be."

I nodded. I understood. I had an intense love for Jesse and Anna, but nothing close to being romantic.

"Everyone out," Emmett said, parking the Jeep on an overlook. "Time to get our hunt on."

I didn't need to be told twice. I leapt out of the car, trapezing through the Washington forest. I was thirsty, thirsty enough not to be disgusted by animal blood. It was growing on me, having not had anything else to drink for a month now. Of course I wished I could go back to humans, but I knew that wasn't an option right now.

It didn't take me long to catch the scent of a mountain lion. I'd prefer a bear, but the lion would do. I tackled the animal, throwing my arms around its muscular neck. It snarled, doing its damn best to squirm from my grip. As I've noticed, animals put up a much better fight than humans did, but it wasn't going to win. I got my hands positioned right and snapped the creature's neck. I tore some of the hair out of the skin, creating a cleaner place for me to sink my teeth in and drink.

I dropped the animal's corpse once it was emptied of all the blood. One perk of drinking from animals was that I didn't see into their lives. The gift I'd absorbed from Aro - the one that allowed me to see someone's entire life, every memory, thought and action - didn't work with animals. So feeding off of them was exponentially less emotionally impactful than feeding off of humans. I guess that was the tradeoff for the superior taste of human.

Once I was finished, I tracked down the sound of the others, coming upon Emmett first. He was taking down a grizzly, and laughing while he did so. He always picked bears. Edward had told me it was because he lost a fight to a bear as a human, which almost killed him. I guess he decided he wasn't going to lose a fight to a bear any other time for the rest of eternity.

"He has quite the fighting style, doesn't he?" Jasper chuckled, coming up to my right.

"Yeah," I nodded. "He's really got a grudge against grizzlies."

"To put it lightly," Jasper agreed.

I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. For the first time, I saw him with his sleeves rolled up a bit, probably to make hunting easier. He, like me, was covered in crescent-shaped vampire bite scars. But his were significantly worse than mine. I didn't know how I hadn't noticed before, but they covered a good portion of his face and neck too, though I couldn't say they really detracted from his good looks.

"You've got them too," I said, gesturing to them.

"Yes," he said, holding his arms out. They glimmered in the dim forest light, just like mine did. "My creator, Maria, had in me charge of training her army of newborns, based on my experience. They fought with their teeth, obviously. It's our natural instinct. I was bitten too many times to count."

"I meant the ones all over your face," I said. "I never noticed before."

"Really?" Jasper inquired, sounding surprised. "It's usually the first thing other vampires see when they look at me. Humans don't notice, but vampires do….they see them and think I'm a monster."

"Well, I'm sorry for not noticing, then," I said.

He smiled slightly. "It's actually nice that you didn't."

I peered down at my own scars, and thinking aloud said, "Mine don't look so bad now."

"I know how bad they hurt, though," Jasper said, staring at the ones on my neck. "Even one can bring you to your knees if it's a deep enough bite."

"Yeah," I agreed. "How….how many newborns did you have to fight off?"

"Too many to count," he said, his eyes growing distant.

"Why?" I asked. "What was the point of the newborn army?"

"You tell me your story, I'll tell you mine," Jasper replied playfully. He smiled. He had a nice smile. Then again, I had yet to meet a vampire who didn't.

"Fair enough," I grinned.

"You two look happy," Emmett grinned. He wiped the bear blood off his hands against his pants. I had a feeling Rosalie would be irked with that later. "Good eats?"

"Something like that," Jasper grinned.


	9. chapter nine - looks

Hey guys! Sorry for updating later than I usually do, but I've had a long day. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a crazy cat lady, so it was pretty terrifying when my cat got lost in the woods this morning. Luckily, we were able to find him after about a half an hour of searching, and he's back home safe and sound now. Being an indoor cat and only weighing nine pounds, he isn't really suited to being outside by himself and he was terrified, but he's all good now, thank goodness. I know many of you probably won't care, but I thought I'd tell you since it really threw my day off kilter.

Again, thanks to everyone who's read and supported this fic! I really do appreciate it, and I love hearing from you guys, so please, please, _please_ don't be afraid to drop off a review. Chapter ten is coming soon and I think you guys will really like it. Thanks again and I hope you enjoy!

* * *

 **chapter nine - looks**

 _Hand in hand, Bastien and I made our way through the streets of Berlin. Even at nearly one in the morning, things were still bustling in and around the clubs. I was glad I'd found someone who enjoyed nightlife as much as I did. I was also glad I'd found someone who enjoyed drinking from humans like I did, arguably even_ more _than I did._

 _When I was with Bastien, I didn't have to feel guilty for feeding off humans. He sure as hell didn't. He loved to hunt and loved to feed, and encouraged me to do the same. When I hunted with him, the gift I'd absorbed from Aro seemed to do much less damage. I still saw every memory, every thought, every feeling the person ever experienced, but it wasn't as vivid. It was like I was seeing them with surround sound in 3D before, and now I saw them as silent, black and white film clips. Perhaps that was because Bastien was using his gift on me to lessen the burden of what I saw. Either way, I appreciated it._

 _I'd gone through the first six years of my vampire life confused and conflicted when it came to how I felt about feeding off of humans. At times, I felt guilty, because of what I saw when I touched them and how the rest of my family regarded the practice. Other times, I felt justified because of what I'd seen, and because I knew it was what I was built to do. I also justified it because I knew how badly I'd wanted to die and what a gift death could be….if I thought of it like that, I was providing a kind favor to the people I killed rather than harming them._

" _Durstig, mein lieber?" Bastien inquired._

" _I could go for a drink," I replied._

" _Me too," he winked. Nodding towards a young man nearby, he said, "Easy target up ahead."_

 _Bastien was right, the kid was an easy target. He was standing way off away from the queue to get into the club, though his eyes were fixated on the people in said queue, like he was wishing he had the confidence to go and join them. He wasn't dressed like most others were when they were ready for a night out on the town. He was dressed plainly in a pair of jeans and a zip-up emerald sweater. His hair was so blonde it was nearly white, thought it was very neatly cut and styled. His eyes were hazel, framed with lashes as light as his hair. He smelled decent enough._

 _Bastien winked at me again. I knew the routine. I followed him around to the alley, so the kid we had our eye on could see us, but we'd be out of view of all the people waiting to get in the club. I fell to the ground, and let out my best dramatic moan of pain._

" _Hilf uns bitte! Sie hat einen anfall!" Bastien called around the corner. "Please help us! She's having a seizure!"_

 _The kid sprinted around to see what was going on, and as soon as he was out of sight of the main road, Bastien seized him and pinned him against the wall. I leapt up from where I laid on the ground, joining him. Bastien chuckled as he handed the kid to me. He liked watching me kill, and I liked watching him kill. But tonight it was my turn._

 _The kid's hands hit my face, trying to fend me off. To no avail, of course. But as his hands hit my skin, the gift I absorbed from Aro kicked in._

 _I saw his whole life. His name was Karl Bauer. He grew up on the East side of the wall. He was the second son, second best. Ignored by his parents and peers alike. He often felt like he could just melt into the ground and no one would notice, because he was nearly invisible already as it was. People always seemed to forget he was there, for some reason. He couldn't figure out why. He was always polite and kind, as his parents had taught him to be. He was struggling with his sexuality. He knew he was gay. He knew the gay crowd would probably be more accepting of him, but he also knew embracing that part of him would severe any bits of a relationship he had with his family._

" _What the hell are you doing?" Bastien asked in English as I released Karl from my grip. "Kill him!"_

" _You take this one," I said._

 _Bastien's eyes flickered between Karl and I. Karl should've ran, but the fear had paralyzed him. He was standing against the wall still, breathing hard, avoiding eye contact with us. Bastien knew I must've seen something in him. And that something intrigued him._

" _I'm turning him," Bastien said._

" _Don't do that," I begged. I knew it was a fate I wouldn't wish on anyone. "Please don't."_

" _He could be….useful," Bastien commented, looking poor Karl Bauer up and down. I'd never heard Bastien speak in such a way. Seeing my confusion, Bastien smiled at me and clarified, "A playmate for you, Lindsay. I see you identify with him, on some level….he can keep you company when I'm not around."_

 _Before I could protest again, Bastien sank his teeth into Karl's neck. He bit just once, and with all the self control I didn't have, released. Struggling to breathe, Karl slumped to the ground, clutching at his neck to put pressure on the wound Bastien had just created._

 _I couldn't watch._

"What about this dress? You'd look _amazing_ in this dress, Lindsay," Alice informed me, holding a simple black t-shirt dress up to me. "Just try it on. For me? _Please?_ "

I sighed. I couldn't believe I'd allowed myself to let Alice talk me into a girls' day shopping trip in Seattle. Since we'd gotten to Seattle, I'd been much more interested in all the flyers I saw advertising the fact that one of my favorite bands, Rot, would be playing a show in town in two weeks, than I was in Alice wanting to give me a makeover. She'd been obsessed with trying to have me let her dress me up like some sort of doll. I guess she did the same for the rest of her family. Edward had mentioned something about her not letting any of them wear the same thing twice.

"Fine," I agreed. "But only because you said please."

"Great," she grinned.

She handed the dress to the poor sales girl who'd already stocked a dressing room full of clothing Alice had selected for me. I'd picked some things too, but Alice made me put them all back because they were "too plain, too much like the stuff I already had." Personally, I didn't think there was such a thing as too much denim, but Alice disagreed.

"Try the dress on first!" Alice said once I entered the fitting room.

"Okay!" I replied.

I shrugged out of my jeans and black hoodie, slipping into the dress Alice had selected for me. I was doing my best to focus on trying the clothes on. The sales girl had blood that smelled amazing, exponentially better than any of the teens smelled in Forks. Then again, she was slightly older, college-aged. I tended to feed off of humans college aged or old, anyways. She also ate an incredibly clean diet, I could tell. It would be so easy to grab her and sink my teeth into her neck, to drain every last bit of blood out of her….

"Are you almost done?" Alice asked with a slight knock. "It's one dress. Have you never put a dress on before?"

I opened the door, trying to shake my head clear of the thoughts of killing the girl. If I killed her, I'd have to leave the Cullens, and leaving the Cullens would make it that much easier for Bastien to get his hands on me.

No. I wouldn't kill her.

"You look fantastic," Alice said, gesturing for me to do a little twirl. "I knew you would, of course, but….really, take a look."

She stepped aside so I could get a look at myself in the full-length mirror. I hated to say that Alice was right, but she was. I looked good. The dress was simple, but it hit me in all the right places. I looked much more feminine than I was used to looking, but paired with my trusty old Doc Martens, I still looked like myself.

Alice made me get the dress, needless to say. She also made me wear it to school that Monday when we went back. And showing up in a dress only made people - specifically the boys - stare at me more. I wanted so badly to tell them that I wasn't sixteen or seventeen or even a teenager at all, that I was actually twenty seven and get them to mind their business. But I knew I couldn't tell them that for obvious reasons. And because some of them would probably be more turned on by an older woman. Ugh.

Edward shook his head at me as we walked into English.

"What?" I asked.

"I can't believe you let Alice talk you into allowing her to choose your wardrobe," he chuckled.

"Neither can I," I replied. I buttoned the top button of my denim jacket, hoping it'd make some sort of a difference.

He chuckled again, and the two of us slipped into our seats near the back. I caught Mike Newton staring at me. Edward noticed to, and flashed me an, "I told you so," sort of look. I rolled my eyes.

Mr. Mason started class, explaining that we'd be starting a unit on _The Crucible_. He seemed to think this was some sort of early Halloween gift, but judging by the moans and groans the announcement garnered, I'd say my classmates would've preferred a handful of candy to celebrate. Mr. Mason was either blissfully oblivious of this, or he had mastered the art of not caring about the opinions of his students, because he didn't seem phased at all. He simply went on and told us to get into groups of four or five to read the background packet he passed out and work together on the questions at the end.

"Can I join you, Lindsay?" Mike asked, turning around in his seat.

"Um, sure," I answered. "You can work with Edward and I."

Judging by Edward's expression, he wasn't happy I roped him into working with Mike. I flashed him a teasing smirk.

"Are you guys looking for a fourth?" Angela Weber inquired. "Would you mind if I -?"

"Not at all," Edward said. I was surprised, something he noticed. He only gave me a slight shrug.

We settled into reading the packet from Mr. Mason, which was as dry as expected. It didn't help that Mike was flashing eyes at me the entire time. Hadn't he figured out that us "Cullens" weren't interested in dating?

Once we'd all finished reading, we got to answering the questions. They were what I'd expected: _Why do you think there was such a hysteria around witches? How do you think gender played a role in the trials, if at all?_ etc. Angela was the one to take the lead. I was sort of surprised, as I'd pegged her as someone who was pretty reserved and shy, but that didn't stop her from becoming the little leader of our group. I didn't mind. I was looking for anyone or anything that'd make Mike quit trying to make me look at him. At one point I actually felt his foot not-so-accidentally brush up against mine. I kicked him in the shin, a knee jerk reaction.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, reaching down to rub where I'd kicked him.

Edward did his best to keep from laughing. At first, he was concerned I'd seriously hurt him. I was worried too, but his reaction of pain showed me I hadn't broken his leg or anything.

"Sorry," I lied.

I could've jumped for joy when the bell rang. I didn't, but I was one of the first ones to rush out of Mr. Mason's classroom. Edward followed me out. He was amused at my annoyance.

For once I was actually happen to get to Gym and change into my gym uniform. We were playing floor hockey. I did my best to only run at human speed, to only use human strength. In other words, I did my best to keep it boring.

After Gym came lunch. Lunch meant pretty much everyone was stuck together in one room. And half of the eyes watched me. Rosalie was in even more of a sour mood because of this, to the point where she decided to go "eat lunch" in her car. Emmett followed.

"I'm never wearing anything you chose for me ever again, Alice," I said. My tone might've been playful, but I was one hundred percent serious.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Yes you are. I can tell."

I narrowed my eyes as I got a slice of pizza. I used to love pizza back when I was a human. Then again, were there many teens in New York in the 90's who didn't love pizza?

"People are staring too much," I said.

"They stare at us regardless of what you're wearing," Alice disregarded. "Do you hate wearing girls' clothes that much?"

"It's not that," I said. In a lower voice, I added, "You should've seen what I looked like in the clubs back in the day."

"You should show me pictures sometime," Alice said. "And why is that? Why dress wild to go out and then dress like a goth construction worker for your day to day wear?"

I laughed slightly at the idea of a goth construction worker before explaining, "Because going out for me back then was escapism. It was me dressing up as someone else, acting like someone else. The jeans and Doc Martens are me. I'm done playing dress up."

Alice smiled. "That's what you think."

I didn't bother to argue with her about the clothes thing anymore. I knew it wouldn't do me any good. I kept quiet as we joined Edward at our usual table. It was just the three of us, since Emmett followed Rosalie out and Jasper had taken the day off to go hunting. That's what he said, at least. He might've just been wanting a day off. I wouldn't blame him for that.

The rest of the day went by without anything very interesting happening. When we got home, I wasted time doing homework until Carlisle got home from the hospital. Knowing that Carlisle was the one who called the shots around here, I knew I had to ask (or at least tell) him that I would really, _really_ like to go to the Rot show I saw advertised in Seattle. If I had been in New York with Samuel, I would've just gone without mentioning it to anyone, but seeing as I was living under Carlisle's roof and rules, I figured it was only polite. I gave him some time, waiting about an hour for him to settle in his office before I went to speak to him.

"Carlisle?" I asked, knocking on the open door of the Cullen family office where he was working on the computer.

"Come on in, Lindsay," he said. I did, and sat in the chair opposite his desk. "Just give me one second here….what can I help you with? Are you unhappy with something here?"

"No, not at all," I said. "All of you have been more than kind to me, and I appreciate you taking me in for the time being."

"You're not having any problems with our rules, are you?" he asked. "Because you seem to have adjusted quite well to being a vegetarian."

"I'll be honest, I wouldn't be feeding off animals by choice," I said. "But I'm alright with it for now."

"Good," Carlisle smiled. "Then what can I do for you?"

"I just wanted to make sure it was alright that I go see a show in Seattle in two weeks," I said.

"Show?"

"Concert," I said. "It's for one of my favorite bands."

"By yourself?"

"Yeah," I shrugged. "I don't really think anyone else here would have an interest."

Carlisle narrowed his eyes only slightly. "I think it would be best if you took someone along with you."

I was sort of taken aback. I wasn't used to not immediately getting my way, as dumb as that sounded. Though Samuel disagreed with what I did most of the time, he still let me do whatever I wanted. Part of that was because he loved me so much that it blinded him - if he thought it'd make me happy, he let me, even if he didn't really want me to. Elisabeth was the same way.

"You look shocked," Carlisle said. He sounded a bit amused.

"I….," I faltered. "Do you not trust me? Do you think I'll get to Seattle and kill the first person I -"

"I trust you," Carlisle said. "You've followed the rules of the house just fine; I'm not worried at all about you doing anything to harm anyone."

"Then why -?"

"Because I promised your father I would do my best to keep you safe when I agreed to take you in," Carlisle interjected gently. "And in my opinion, letting you go off to a big city like Seattle by yourself isn't doing my best to keep you safe."

"I'll take her," volunteered a voice from the doorway. Jasper.

" _Take_ me?" I repeated, a bit offended by the phrasing.

"Go with you," Jasper corrected.

"Thank you," Carlisle nodded.

I said nothing. I did my best to conceal my eye roll as I walked out of the room past Jasper.

"Were you listening to that whole conversation?" I asked, stepping out onto the porch to look over the insane amount of green surrounding the house.

"Not exactly," he answered. "It's kind of hard not to hear things being a vampire, y'know."

Normally, I would've laughed. Currently, I was too irritated with being treated like a child to even consider laughing.

"Who are we going to see?" Jasper inquired after a few beats had passed. He was trying to be polite. I just wasn't in the mood.

"You didn't hear that?" I asked.

"I did," he said. "I'm just not familiar with Rot."

"They're a death metal band," I said. Technically, they weren't a death metal band. Heavy metal, maybe. The words just sort of slipped out. "Probably nothing you're interested in."

"I may be more open minded than you think," Jasper said.

I peered at him side-eyed and still annoyed. "We'll see. Goodnight, Jasper."

"Goodnight, Lindsay."


	10. chapter ten - touch

" _Lindsay…."_

 _As soon as I made my way into the penthouse, Elisabeth enveloped me in her arms. She was full of love, something I could feel radiating from her as she squeezed me tight. She smelled the same as I remembered. I'd missed that smell, just as I'd missed her hugs. She was my mother after all. Adopted mother, sure, but more of a mother than my biological mother ever had been._

 _I felt Samuel's strong hand fall onto my back, somewhere between my two shoulder blades. For a hot minute, I thought I'd never feel the comfort of having my parents so close to me again. I realized now just how much I took them for granted. I wasn't going to do that again._

" _I missed you," I said, once there was some room between us so I could look them in the eyes._

" _We missed you too," Samuel said. His voice was as low as I recalled, but he still managed to sound gentle so easily._

" _We're just glad you're home safe and that you're okay," Elisabeth said. She ran her fingers through my hair, which I'm sure looked like hell and was driving her nuts. "We were so worried about you….not hearing from you for nearly two years. We didn't know if you ended up…."_

 _She didn't finish the sentence, nor did she have to. I knew where she was going. She - they - had worried I'd gone off and finally managed to kill myself. It was understandable. I had self-destructive tendencies and a deathwish. The only reason I'd been turned in the first place was because I'd tried to kill myself._

" _We're glad you're not," Samuel said._

 _Elisabeth had to take a step back from me to collect herself. If I didn't know better, I would've sworn she was actually crying._

" _Me too," I said. "I'm glad to be back with you guys."_

" _Happy to have you, Linds," Jesse said._

 _He held his arms out for a hug, which I readily accepted. Even in times like this, he managed to have a sunny smile on his face. As he hugged me, I realized how warm he was. No, I knew he wasn't literally, physically warm. He just exuded a warmth that made it impossible not to love him._

" _Not to sound repetitive, but I did miss you," Jesse said, still rocking me in his arms. He held me by the shoulders so he could look into my eyes with his golden ones. "I love you, kid. We all love you. You had us really worried. Two years without even a phone call?"_

" _I know," I said, dropping my head a bit. "I….I got carried away at times, at other times I didn't want to burden you guys by telling you that I….."_

" _Killed so many?" Jesse finished. He was judging me. Judging me kindly, with a smile on his face, but judging me nonetheless._

 _I gave a faint nod. I didn't feel ashamed about what I'd done. I knew my family did, though, and therefore I hadn't wanted to burden them by having them know I killed humans. Not only did I kill humans, but I killed more than I needed to in order to survive. I'd killed for fun, without guilt, because Bastien helped me see past that._

 _He helped me see past it by using his gift on me while I killed so that I didn't have to see the lives of those I killed. He made me see what I needed to in order to feel nothing - he made me see every human as worthless and evil. I knew not everyone was like that. Most were. But not all._

" _Someone really missed you," Jesse said._

 _He nodded towards the door. I followed his nod to see Anna standing in the doorway. She gave me a smile. As much as I wanted to run and hug Anna, I didn't. Not when Nevaeh was standing right by her side._

 _I ran at full speed to pull Nevaeh into my arms, hugging her as tight as was possible without hurting her. She'd grown so much in the two years it'd been since I saw her last. She wasn't a little bumbling toddler anymore, she was a full fledged little girl, a little human. She was five now. She smelled just a little different than she did the last time, a bit older, a bit less like a baby._

" _Lindsay," she said once I gave her room to breath. There were real tears in her eyes, ones she hastily tried to wipe away. "I missed you so much. I thought you weren't coming back! I thought -"_

" _I know," I said, tucking her hair behind her ear for her. "And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I left you. But I'm not gonna leave you again, Nevaeh. I'm gonna be here for you. And I'm gonna be the best big sister I can possibly be for you."_

"I'm really starting to get good at my French," Nevaeh told me. "Vivienne has been teaching me when I haven't been in school….she and Mom took me to an all-French restaurant the other day, and I ordered all by myself in French and the lady understood me!"

"Wow," I said, smiling uncontrollably. "That's really good. I'm glad you're happy in Quebec."

"Yeah, I like it here," Nevaeh said. "I like New York better, though….I miss you and Daddy and Jesse and Anna."

"Yeah, me too," I told her. "But we'll all be back together soon enough. And you talk to everyone on the phone when you can, right?"

"Right," Nevaeh replied. "But it's not the same."

"It's not," I agreed. "But it's the best we can do right now."

"Yeah," she yawned.

"Tired?"

"No!" she denied.

"Nevaeh…."

"Okay, just a little," she admitted.

Here in Forks, it was 5:02. In Quebec, it was 8:02. Nevaeh's bedtime was 9:00. I was sure Elisabeth would have her shower and get her hair done before going to sleep, so she probably needed to get a move on to get ready for bed.

"I'll call you as soon as I can," I promised. "I love you, and sleep tight."

"Love you too, Lindsay."

I clicked the red button on my cell phone, effectively ending the call. I'd done my best not to think about how much I missed everyone, especially Nevaeh, but I couldn't help but to think about it when I'd just talked to her. It was so good to hear her voice. I just wished I was back home with Nevaeh and everyone else, sitting at the dining table waiting for her to quit being stubborn and let me help her do her homework.

Unfortunately, I knew that I couldn't put a definitive date to when life would be back to normal like that. With Bastien out there scheming and actively trying to find me, it could very well be at least a year until I got back to New York and my family. I hated being away from them, but I knew it was for the best. Bastien knew their scent and knew how bonded to them I was. He'd look there for me. He also knew me well enough to know I wouldn't leave them, especially to go masquerading as a high school student in Forks. I was as safe as could be here, I wished I didn't need to be.

"You're totally different when you talk to your sister," Alice said.

"Yeah?" I asked rhetorically.

"Yeah," she nodded. "You sound like you're talking to your own daughter. You two are clearly very close."

"Of course we are," I said. "I was there for her first steps, first words….her first word was "Linny." She was trying to say my name."

"Aw," Alice cooed. "That's really sweet. Her first word wasn't "mama," though?"

"That was her second," I said proudly.

"Cute," Alice grinned. "Like this dress."

She held up another dress she'd made me buy in Seattle. It was navy blue, a bit fancier that the t-shirt dress, with spaghetti straps and a lighter sort of fabric.

"Alice, you do _not_ go to see Rot wearing a dress," I said.

She frowned slightly. "Then maybe this band isn't worth going to see."

I shrugged. "To you, maybe."

"Okay, what about this ensemble?" she offered. She laid out another outfit on my bed - a pair of non-ripped black skinny jeans and a soft gray tank top. "Simple, but you could add some accessories…."

"No accessories, please," I begged. "I'll wear this, but please don't go sticking _accessories_ on me."

Alice giggled. "We'll see."

She politely turned her back so I could get changed, which I did as speedy as possible. I then slipped my old denim jacket on, as well as my boots. When Alice turned around, I could see she was unhappy with my additions.

"Really?" she asked, exasperated.

"Really," I nodded.

"What about just _one_ necklace….?" Alice asked.

"No!" I said, playfully running away from her as she chased me with a choker. "No accessories, Alice!"

She got close to me, too close. I panicked, and of course, that caused one of my absorbed abilities to fire without my consent.

Once again, I sent Alice flying across the room. This time, it was harder than the first time I'd done it. She hit the wall. Not hard enough to hurt her, obviously, but hard enough to cause her eyes to grow with surprise.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to. Sometimes when I -"

"No, don't worry about it," Alice assured me, shaking it off. "I know you didn't mean to. I just didn't see it coming."

"Probably because I didn't mean to," I speculated.

"Yeah," I said.

Alice glanced down at her fashionable watch. "Well, you should better get going. It's almost five fifteen."

I nodded. I grabbed my small over the shoulder purse, and Alice and I headed downstairs. Half of the members of the household were gone. Rosalie and Emmett were out hunting and Carlisle was working a graveyard shift at the hospital. Esme was in the living room, watching a design show. Edward was in his room practicing the piano. I really should be doing some more practicing too. I really wanted to get better at it, but all Edward had me do was scales, which got boring incredibly quickly.

"All ready to go?" Esme asked. "You look adorable."

"Thanks," I said. I'd been told I looked many things in my life, but adorable was not one.

"I hope you have fun," she said sincerely, coming to see me off. "You know to call if you need anything."

"I know," I nodded. She reminded me so much of Elisabeth. "Thanks."

"And try to make Jasper have some fun, will you?" she added with a wink.

I smiled. "Will do."

"Ready?" Jasper inquired, waiting by the door.

I didn't think he was too thrilled to be going with me. He was probably just doing it as a favor to Carlisle. Or to Alice. She'd done enough Lindsay babysitting. Maybe he wanted to give her a break.

"Ready," I nodded.

I bid a goodbye to Alice and Esme and followed him to the garage.

"We're taking Edward's Volvo," he said. "I figured it'd be a bit more comfortable."

"Than….?"

"Than mine," he said, gesturing to the two bikes at the end of the garage.

"I guess so," I nodded. I slid into the passenger seat while he stuck the key in the ignition. "You didn't have to go with me."

He shrugged. "I could tell you really wanted to go. Carlisle wasn't going to let you go without someone."

"Alice would've -"

"Made a scene?" Jasper finished. "Dressed like she was going to New York fashion week?"

I didn't disagree.

"Edward -"

"Likes his piano music," Jasper interjected. "Not the same thing. None of us would've heard the end of his cultured critique."

I chuckled. From having spent all of my school days with Edward and having suffered through a few piano lessons with him, I knew it was true.

"Okay, I'll give you that. But Emmett -"

"Would've loved to go but wouldn't get Rosalie's okay," Jasper said. "And he wouldn't do anything to upset her."

"Fine," I said, admitting defeat. "You win."

He grinned, pulling a right hand turn. "Tell me about this band."

"Like I said, probably nothing you'd like," I said. "Probably nothing the diddies you sang going to fight the Yankees."

Jasper chuckled, even if it was out of politeness.

"I never actually fought them, y'know," he told me.

I raised a brow. "I thought you said you were a major?"

"I was," he nodded. "I talked my way up the ranks, mostly. I learned quick and I has good at reading people and their emotions...it helped out alot. And translated pretty well into my gift as a vampire."

"I see….is it weird if I ask what kind of emotions you get from me?"

He chuckled again. "That's a loaded question."

"That doesn't surprise me."

He paused, taking his eyes off the road to look at me.

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

He drew a breath. "There's a lot of different emotions going on with you all the time, Lindsay. Whatever you're feeling in the moment is always written all over your face, so I don't need any gift to tell that. But there's a lot going on under the surface with you. I've come across other people like you, but I've never been so close to them for such a long time. Sometimes it's overwhelming….sometimes you're all doom and gloom -"

I laughed. He continued.

"-and sometimes you're full of all the good stuff - love, happiness, hope. I noticed it a lot more earlier, after you talked to your little sister."

"That sounds about right," I said. I paused, and then changed the subject. "Are you ever going to tell me about the newborn army? I mean, beyond the fact it existed and you were involved with them."

"Are you ever going to tell me about your time with Bastien?" he countered. "I mean, beyond the fact that he did some horrible things to you. That's a bit vague."

I sighed. I noticed Jasper drove just as fast as Edward, maybe even faster.

"Not today," I said.

He didn't press the matter anymore. I was thankful for that. We filled the rest of the drive (which took less than the 3 ½ hours it would've taken anyone who drove the speed limit) with small talk. I hated small talk. I always had. But there was something about small talk with Jasper that, for some reason, I didn't mind.

We pulled up to the venue around 8:30 which was perfect, since the show started around nine. Just enough time to park and get a decent standing spot. It was standing room only, since it was just a small club with a bar. Being the small space it was, it only garnered more stares from the other people. The humans. Humans were smarter than a lot of other vampires gave them credit for. They were always able to tell that we were different - even if that difference was only in our beauty.

"Hey, I'll leave you alone to enjoy the show," Jasper said, leaning down to speak to me.

I'd always thought of myself as average height, but next to Jasper I felt sort of short. Next to Emmett, I felt like a dwarf. I wondered how Alice felt.

"Okay," I nodded.

"I'll be somewhere in the back, watching," he said. "Just in case."

"Okay," I repeated. "Thanks."

He seemed surprised by my thanks, but replied, "You're welcome."

He slipped off into the crowd of people dressed in black, leaving me to my own devices. Even though I knew Jasper was still out there somewhere as my backup just in case, it was still liberating to have the feeling that I was sort of alone and not being completely babysat by one of the Cullens. I was used to being on my own most of the time. Yeah, I had Samuel and Elisabeth, but they never watched my every move. They learned the hard way how much I hated that, unless there was some sort of important reason to do so.

With a smile creeping onto my face, I went to take a seat at the bar and order a drink. I would drink it, for appearances only, as I had many other times when I'd gone out as a vampire. A lot of the time people looked at you weirder if you didn't have a drink or two.

"ID, please," the burly bartender said as soon as I took a seat.

I obliged, showing him the New York driver's license that Samuel had forged for me a couple of years ago. It said I was twenty two, and listed my name as Lindsay J. Hawley. In retrospect, I should've pulled out the ones the Cullens had made for me, but I didn't. I pulled the old one out purely out of habit.

"New York, huh?" the bartender asked. Now that he knew I was of age, he felt comfortable getting a bit flirty with me. "Whereabouts are you from?"

"Manhattan," I answered honestly. "Upper East Side."

"So you're a rich kid," he commented through a chuckle. "What's a rich girl like you doing here in a grubby club in Seattle?"

I shrugged. "I get around. Now, how about you get me a whiskey on the rocks."

He raised a brow at my choice of drink. It didn't matter what I ordered. Alcohol tasted like nothing and did nothing at all to me. It was like drinking nothing. Certainly not blood.

While the bartender went off to grab my drink, I caught a scent. A scent that was as familiar as it was delicious. It was the girl from the store I'd gone to with Alice a couple of weeks ago, the girl whose blood smelled so delicious that it required me to exert all of my willpower to keep from killing her. And what was she doing here? Well, walking straight towards me with a drink in hand and a flirty smile on her face, that's what.

 _Fuck._

"Hey, stranger," she greeted. She was already tipsy, verging on being flat out drunk. "Lindsay, right?"

She'd asked my name when she realized Alice and I were going to be high paying customers. I hadn't expected her to remember my name.

"Good memory," I said. "I never got your name."

"Kelly," she smirked.

She offered me a hand to shake. I don't know why, but I did. I shook her hand and I saw. I saw it all.

Her mom and dad split up when she was seven. She and her brother were caught in a nasty custody battle. Both parents were great parents, but they couldn't get past their hatred of one another to work together for the kids. She worked through the hurt by drawing. She got really good at drawing. She was going to school for graphic design at the University of Seattle, working at the boutique to earn extra cash and to explore her interest in fashion. Sexually, she was confused. She had a boyfriend, but he was boring. Girls seemed interesting. Especially me.

"Jeez, you're hand is really cold," Kelly said. "Are you sick or something?"

"No," I said. "Bad circulation."

She accepted the answer and moved on. "You're not here with your girlfriend tonight, are you?"

"Girlfriend?" I asked, brow raised.

"The girl with the pixie cut," Kelly said with some drunken hand gestures. "Was she not your girlfriend?"

"Sister," I corrected. A lie.

"Ohhhh," she said, tilting her head back to look at me different. "So you're single?"

Internally I groaned. Sometimes humans had such one track minds.

"Yes."

"Come hang out with me, then," Kelly beckoned, grabbing my hand again. "The show's about to start."

With nothing but the potent, sweet smell of her blood on my mind, I agreed. Just as humans had a one track mind for sex, vampires tended to have a one track mind for blood. I thought I'd gotten better about that being forced to abide by the Cullens' rules, but something about her blood made what little self-control I'd garnered completely disappear.

Rot came onstage soon after Kelly dragged me to the front of the floor. If I hadn't been so distracted by my instincts, I would've basked in the glory of seeing one of my favorite bands right before my eyes. It had been their music that helped me get over Bastien and try and work through my other inner demons. I owed a lot to the songs they made. But I couldn't watch properly because of Kelly.

Kelly was just as intrigued by me as I was by her. She kept putting her hands on my hips, flashing me flirtatious smiles as she downed her drinks. She danced against me, testing the strength of my newfound willpower. I wanted nothing more than to sink my teeth into her neck and get it all over with, kill the thirst, kill the struggle to be good. I wanted to so, _so_ badly. But I couldn't.

I thought she was done testing me, but I realized all of the touching and heavy petting was just the beginning. She pulled me away from the claustrophobia of the crowd, and into an alcove by the bathrooms. It was empty, since everyone was busy actually watching the band.

She shoved me against the wall, where I could feel the vibrations of the music beating through. And she kissed me.

"Even your mouth is cold," Kelly said, her eyes hazy and scanning my face.

"Bad circulation," I repeated.

I felt all of the urges I'd been suppressing for over a month bubbling up into a dangerous boil. It was getting harder to fight the deep rooted vampire instincts in me, harder to listen to my brain over my body. She was so close. I could hear her heart. I could see her jugular so perfectly placed, ready to be bitten….

She kissed me again, momentarily breaking me out of the bad thoughts. I kissed her back, doing my best not to hurt her….I wouldn't hurt her, I couldn't. My mouth slipped from hers, and I kissed her cheek, her jaw, and her neck, just over her jugular. I felt it right beneath my lips, warm, full of blood, waiting for me. Kelly inhaled sharply. I opened my lips against her skin, which rose in goosebumps beneath my mouth.

And then there was something that made me fall to the floor in agony. _Pain._

Someone said my name, I couldn't tell who. I couldn't see or move, I could only curl on the floor as the familiar, agonizing pain swept through my body. I'd felt it before, seven times. First when Samuel had touched me. Then Elisabeth. Then Jesse and Anna. Then Aro. Then Bastien, and finally Karl.

And now Jasper.


End file.
